No Place, But Here

"You don't have to wait for happiness, because there's no time but now to be happy. You don't have to go somewhere else, because there's no place but here to find it. You don't have to do something else, because there's nothing more to it. You don't have to get something else, because everything you already have is enough. You just have to be happy." - Karen Maezen Miller

Tomorrow afternoon my husband is picking up my favorite traveling monk, Karen Maezen Miller (aka Mae aka Momma Zen) at the airport.

I met Mae (virtually) when Satch was a smidge over a year old. I had posted this photo on my blog of his favorite pastime...here, dumping books off the shelf and putting them back.

Mae was blog surfing when she spotted mine and in particular, the tiny gem of a book amidst the rubble. She sent me a copy of her book with a note that read, "I thought you could use a little more zen companionship". I loved her book! I loved it publicly here.

A year later I had some questions for her and she kindly answered them in a Mom to Mom interview on my blog, here. The following year she had a few questions of her own for me here.

Fast forward three years plus a whole lot of pixels and you can probably imagine my excitement to discover that Maezen would be teaching a mindful parenting workshop here at the Lil Omm Center in DC. I bought a ticket right away.

A day or so later I received an email from Mae - she was looking for a place to stay. I replied, " You can stay here, it's my pleasure to serve you".

For the last five years I have been seeing the "Enso" from the cover of Mae's book everywhere.

I see it here, in coffee rings that trace my pre-dawn steps to the studio.


I see it here, in the fallen birds nests that we pick up and carry home to our mantel because they are too pretty to leave to the elements.

And I see it here in this moment - coming full circle, face to face with my zen companion.

Mom to Mom: Karen Maezen Miller

It is a great honor for me to introduce Karen Maezen Miller, author of "Momma Zen". I read her book last summer. Now dog-eared and love-worn, I still refer to it when I need a little centering. For me, "Momma Zen" is more than a book...it's like a sacred text of motherhood with passages so poignant, they have become my daily mantras. It is reassuring to know that this kindred mama is walking the "Crooked Path of Motherhood" before me. Her humanness and spirituality is a light that helps me find my own way along the "Cheerio Road".

Mom: Karen Maezen Miller

Of : Georgia, age 7

Where: California

Blog: Momma Zen

1. In what ways has becoming a mother changed you?

Me? She's not here. I had to chase that old girl out of this house! Seriously, life before and after is beyond comparison, although I compare it all the time. Before I was a mother, I lived in a small world of big things. Now I live in a big world of small things. Motherhood teaches me every day that this life isn't what I think it is. It is so much more! Being Georgia's mother is such a kick in the keister. It helps me let go of my striving to be somebody else. Somebody richer, younger, more famous, with someone else's hair color, waist and hips. Someone popular. It's a relief to give up and let me be me, because then I can more easily let Georgia be Georgia in all her bloom and shine.

2. What is one tip you would like to share about mothering?

Ooh, I hesitate to offer tips. Perhaps that's the tip. We spend so much time looking for ways to do this the right way. It is a trap. Of course, some practical aid can be helpful, but often what underlies our questioning is the certainty that we are doing it the wrong way. As long as we are convinced that we are doing it wrong, all the tips in the world will never assure us otherwise. I always say that there is no right way to parent, but there is always a right now way. Your child is showing you what he or she needs right now. (Usually, it's nothing from you at all. Put those flash cards down.)

3. What is your creative outlet/medium?

Somedays it is cooking. Somedays it is sorting the colors from the whites. Somedays it is plotting to sell 35 Barbies and 55 My Little Ponies at a garage sale. Somedays it is writing an oh-so-clever turn of a phrase. Yes I am a writer, but if that was the only thing I saw as creative then I would be quite disappointed with my output. (BTW, I am quite disappointed with my output.) Everything we do is creative because we are creation itself. This is really hard to believe about ourselves. So let me also say that one of the most exciting creative outlets I now have is teaching yoga. I encourage everyone with a creative block to do shoulder stand. I could never have birthed a book without shoulder stand.

4. How do you find time for creativity?

See above answer. There's all the time in the world; I just don't perceive it creatively. Honestly, a few years from now when you watch your heart, your love, your precious one strap on a backpack and go to school each day, you'll see what flows out of you in the daily time allotted. Every season of life has its own effortless expression.

5. Why do you blog/journal?

Ego, pure ego. Also as a commitment to writing. To give and receive wisdom and encouragement. To remind myself that, even in my solitude, I am never alone.

6. Which blogs do you frequent?

Yours, always yours. Also I'm devoted to:

Siobhan at Ittybits & Pieces

Irene at Momster

Amy at Mojo Mom

Kathryn at A Mindful Life

Leah at Mama Dharma

All gloriously genuine women at different places in the puzzle and posting purely from the heart. If you gab mostly about what's cool or hip, mojitos or martinis, what Jesus or Buddha said, chances are we don't interest one another. And "frequent" is the right word. I read the same old postings several times a day. How I wish we lived close by! Nevermind, I guess we do.

7. Who are some bloggers that you would like to meet?

Everyone of course. It would probably be like seeing the White House, Disneyland or Tom Cruise for the first time. Everyone much smaller in real life, in which case we could all fit into my tiny living room and pass the Pirate Booty. With mojitos.

Most Alive Monday: New Terrain

" Time and again you'll be stripped of your preconceptions, judgments, ideas, theories and opinions of motherhood and left to go straight on through the inexplicable experience itself"
- Karen Maezen Miller

Three years old is a whole new terrain. When things get bumpy (oh and they DO get bumpy), I try to hold a happy moment in my mind. Like this one above...watching Satch and R sharing a pizza together.

I made soup for dinner and since we didn't have any crusty bread in the house to go with it, I figured I would crumble up some soy bacon to sprinkle on top. Little did I know this would prove to be an unthinkable horror to my son who, upon my placing the bowl on the table, screamed and wailed, " NO NO NO it's broken...I don't eat broken...broken doesn't taste good". It was an unbelievable scene.

Note to self, add "broken things" to his list of loathes:

• anything green
• anything that has so much as a speck of tomato sauce
• taking a bath
• wearing his coat
• using the potty

*AND remember anything that he loves today may be loathed tomorrow!

He insisted that we had more soy bacon. I begged to differ and pleaded my case. I validated his feelings. Still, he was inconsolable. This went on for some time until I completely lost my mind (as well as my hearing) so I went to the kitchen and nearly tore the freezer door off in anger and frustration looking for more soy bacon. Thankfully, I found another package of soy bacon (so now he thinks I'm a liar) and cooked a piece for him.

Then after listening to his lengthy monologue about how broken pieces don't taste good, he picked up his perfect and overly processed soy bacon slice and accidentally dropped it on the floor. It shattered into a million pieces and the whole ugly scene made an encore performance.

By the time I returned with yet another piece of perfectly formed soy bacon, my soup was cold. I kept wondering why the situation became so unnerving and what I could have done differently. Then I decided that instead of beating myself up over it, I would hold a thought of something that made me smile...Satch and his friend sharing a pizza.

*About Most Alive Monday: I've decided to make at least one "most alive choice" each day and post my favorite each Monday. This, of course, is to motivate me to consciously "live juicy"! I hope you'll join me and share your "most alive moment" in the comments section so we may inspire each other.

Dawa Wok!

This was the scene while I was making dinner. Satchel bouncing on his dada like he was a wild Bronco! I can't resist pointing out that my husband is wearing black socks with shorts. If he starts wearing a pocket protector, I'll have to pretend I don't know him.

Satchel had his 2 year check up and the doctor said his language skills are off the charts. I didn't know this since I have no way to compare nor do I want to. As Karen Maezen Miller wrote in Momma Zen, "The grass grows by itself". My belief is that Satch is the expert at being Satch and I trust that he will develop in his own way and his own time...so I'm not the type of mom who counts his words etc. Still, since he was a wee babe, we signed and spoke clearly to him...and I'll never forget the first time he signed "milk" and how much easier it was for all of us the more he was able to communicate. What I do know is that Satch is very expressive and still uses some of his sign language as well as spoken words...and now sentences! It happened so suddenly that I didn't realize it at first.



"Mama pay buh-lok"; "piece uh banana"... "juice bok" and "bye bye hah fun". Satch is a good communicator. Yesterday we were playing blocks and he heard me say, "oh, that'll work" and that became the catch phrase for the whole afternoon every time he chose a block to add to his creation.

Over dinner, as I so often do, I recounted the events of the day with his dada while Satch nodded in agreement and then when I mentioned the new sentence, Satch chimed in quite proudly, "oh dawa wok"!

Have a good weekend, everyone! I'll be back Monday with a new Mom to Mom interview.....

Peace Out : Holiday Prep

Till ringing, singing on its way, 
The world revolved from night to day, 
A voice, a chime, 
A chant sublime 
Of peace on earth, good-will to men! - Longfellow






















There's chili in the crock and it smells soooo good that I need to leave the house because it's torture.  Tonight my friend Maezen arrives with several other lovely souls to sup 'round my table.  Tomorrow, I leave for her zen retreat!  This will be the longest I've ever sat down and shut up... probably in my entire life.  Wish me luck, won't you?  I'm going to need it.

I've taken a few measures to help stave off my monkey mind...things scratched off my to-do list so I hopefully won't think about them while I should be thinking about nothing.

Our holiday cards were mailed last week...

and the calendars are on their way to the grands...

Satch is passing out his gratitude cards each day...

and the teacher gifts are ready to go.

The gifts that I ordered for my boy last month are already arriving so I've been wrapping and hiding them each day, while awaiting for Santa to arrive with his gifts.

The only thing left to do is to get the tree and decorate for the holiday.  Something to look forward to upon my return.

That...and the annual Solstice party...

And waiting for Santa to arrive!
Peace out, people.

Meaningful Mother's Day Gifts (& Giveaway)

I am both of the earth and I am of the inexplicable
beauty of heaven
where I fly so easily, so welcome, yes,
and this is why I have been sent, to teach this to your heart.

~ Mary Oliver


It's been a while since I've given my two cents about gift picks. Please indulge me for a moment, then indulge your mother, indulge yourself...

These two books, "Momma Zen" and "Hand Wash Cold" by Karen Maezen Miller have changed my life in that they didn't change my life, but rather taught me to live the life I already have which, after all, is the greatest gift I've been given.

Buy it, read it, teach it to your heart, then unwrap the gift of your life!

If adornment is what you are seeking, I offer a custom mother's nest necklace to honor your divine nature, mother. Mine has one turquoise egg to represent my son. Please visit my etsy shop for details or try your luck as I'm giving one away. Details at the end of this post.

In honor of Mother's Day, I will be giving away a custom nest necklace to one lucky reader. Just leave a comment here, tell me something good!

Winner will be chosen by random generator on Friday morning, May 6th.

Happy Mother's Day!

The Great Fruit Mystery and Other Tales

We're leaving tomorrow to spend a few days at Chincoteague Island where we'll be building sandcastles, petting wild ponies, and searching for at least one letterbox. This will be Satchel's first trip to the sea and I can't wait to see the expression on his face when he realizes it's the biggest "ah-box" (sandbox) he's ever seen.

I'll be back Monday. In the meantime....a film and some linky links for you to enjoy! (PS- our most alive choice this week is to make Chincoteague a yearly summer tradition AND to coordinate it with the Perseids meteor shower).




Love It:

• "Five Ways to Make Childhood Last", by Karen Maezen Miller
• "Taking Advantage", by S. Krause
• "Long Post, No Pictures", by Katurah Richmond
• 
  

Love It Not:

• A new study shows the power of food marketing aimed at our children...see the Today Show clip here!
• And my friend Rochelle, a registered dietitian in NYC, told me about a video called, "Hidden Dangers in Kids' Meals" and suggested I see it....which I will try to find the time to do real soon!
  

Oh, You Know the Adage

“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers

I saw an opportunity to take a 5 minute shower while my son ate GF toast slathered with sweet almond butter.  I asked him to finish eating then brush his teeth so that I could drive him to his beloved nature camp.  I inhaled deeply and nearly lost myself in those 300 seconds. 

He saw an opportunity to take a 5 minute shower of his own.  He poured his milk into a saucer and exhaled deeply blowing bubbles with a straw.  He nearly lost himself in those 300 seconds.

Toweling off quickly, I jumped into my drawstring pants and tee-shirt then padded downstairs stopping abruptly at the bottom step.  All I could see in that moment was a small white pond that trickled downward to the chair before pooling on the floor below, soaking both the place mat and seat cushion. 

My heart sank in a puddle of milk.

Then I came up for air.

"After camp you can wash the place mat and the seat cushion", I said wondering if the span of a wash cycle and dry cycle before playing with friends would make any sense.

He started to cry - "I'm sorry...I forgot...but I like making bubbles" - in rapid fire then launched his new improved artillery right through my heart...

"I feel like I shouldn't even be here", he shouted.

I can't describe the shock and the pain his words inflicted.  I can't say how I managed to stay afloat in that moment.  Maybe it was the milky ensō.  Maybe I channeled my inner Maezen.

"You should be here", I said, "and it makes me sad when you say that...I love you and I am also angry because I asked you to finish eating and brush your teeth so I can take you to camp.  I get that you like making bubbles and that's fine, but making them in a shallow saucer was not a great choice because, as you can see, there's milk everywhere.  I'll clean up the milk, but when you get home you are going to wash the place mat and seat cushion".

"How long does it take", he asked.

"You will see for yourself", I said, "it's time to go to nature camp".

Tending the Garden

"Your life is a garden. And you are the only gardener." - Karen Maezen Miller (Momma Zen)

The sweetest recipe: a wee boy, surf trunks, frog boots and a generous supply of water....

• I'm grateful for the garden hose that my husband bought me so that I no longer have to make 10 trips with the watering can.

• I'm grateful for the wand attachment that my mother bought me and it's continuous spray feature that saves my hands from cramping....and because now Satch can "help"!

The female cardinal has come to the feeder alone...I think this means her eggs have hatched.

Satch developed a stuffy nose...the sleep deprivation continues. I'm depleted.

Happy Solstice!

Upon a winter's day, how beautiful the shadows are! - Charles Dickens

It's almost time for our annual solstice party wherein we celebrate the return of light! We made lots of paper lanterns for a moonlight walk with the Lilliputians and some peppermint bark for the Brobdingnagians!

We also made these little pouches of seed to sprinkle outside for the woodland creatures.

On Sunday there will be a crock of vegetarian chili with all the fixins, a warm fire, and a houseful of cherished people scattered around this tree.

Speaking of cherished people, have a listen to an excerpt from Karen Maezen Miller's new book. I just adore her...her holey socks...her nubby sweater...her lovely voice...her wit & wisdom!

hand wash cold

Once again I'm deeply moved by Karen Maezen Miller. I read her first book when my son was a wee babe and I loved it so much that I begged her for a Mom to Mom interview. Her new book, "hand wash cold: care instructions for an ordinary life" is equally magnificent. In this book, Karen shares more about her life and the path that lead her to becoming a Buddhist priest while unveiling the deeper meaning in seemingly ordinary moments. Her personal life lessons are beautifully transformed into teachings. With tenderness, humor and wisdom, Karen illustrates that happiness can't be found in constantly reaching for the next rung, but by turning to look at the view right where you are.

"Happiness is simple", she writes, "Everything we do to find it is complicated."

How can something so gentle be so powerful?

Wondrous and Wordless

When it's the only thing there is,
how can we talk about it? - Maezumi Roshi


















How can I find words for a moment that has no words?

How can I describe a feeling that cannot be described?

Many years ago I studied karate with a group that met in the gym at Columbia University. I loved this dojo because it wasn't a business, it was a group of people coming together to learn an art. It was a devotion. Eventually the members of the dojo each went their own way and I was in search of a teacher. One afternoon I was visiting the home of my friend Shawn and his wife Charlotte who are masters in several disciplines. Charlotte said softly, "Wendy, stop looking for your teacher because your teacher will find you". I have never forgotten those words.

The last night Maezen spent in our home, I had a hard time sleeping. I kept thinking about what to say to her, some way to express the awe, the gratitude, the wonder of it all.

On the morning of her departure, all I could say was,

"Thank you for finding me".

Getting Wet

"When you ask yourself, "Why not?" you may find yourself in motion, across a vivid and unpredictable landscape, over impossible mountains and beyond the water's edge, where you surprise yourself, once and for all, by getting wet" - Karen Maezen Miller (Momma Zen)

Mischief and merriment....squirting mama and dada...and anyone willing...

and rescuing an occasional drowning insect.


(I don't share my son's enthusiasm for insects which I know is hypocritical considering I'm a vegetarian and all. I admitted this to a friend recently and explained that I feel really guilty about it. She said, " Well maybe when you find yourself in a situation where you need to squash one of the large a/o biting variety, you should think of it as helping the creature move on to a higher and less repulsive incarnation".)

Beauty!

or why I can't wait until April 1st! Head on over to Maezen's site and gassho...

Momma Zen

There are so many wonderful things to say about Momma Zen, I could fill an entire blog. I dogeared the pages that I wanted to refer back to and discovered that there are enough pearls of wisdom to string a necklace. Therefore, I decided to let you find your own pearls. The delight in having discovered something is much more magical than having it handed to you.

(If you want clues, however, the author cleverly includes a treasure map on page 171.)

At the end of the first chapter the author writes, "These words thus flow from my heart to yours, from one other mother to one other mother or mother-to-be. I know. I understand. Me too."

And she does know!

Momma Zen touched me deeply. I laughed and I cried and experienced moments of realization so profound that I heard myself exclaim, "YES!" When I closed the book I felt at one with motherhood, at one with my baby, at one with my self.

I felt present.

I felt...at peace.

Momma Zen is not a parenting book. It is a book about motherhood and spiritual lessons woven in moments. It's a book about being a mother. It's a book about being.

(I have no doubt that I will be quoting Karen Maezen Miller time and again on this blog.)

Thank you to Karen, for writing this jewel.
Thank you to Satchel, for being my teacher.