January 14, 2005
Today was our offical 20 wk doctor's appointment. I finally gained some weight...4 lbs! Satchel now weighs 1 lb...the rest is placenta, fluid and the added "boobage". At 20 wks they examine the baby with a sonogram and make sure there's growth and that the organs and spine are normal. They wouldn't allow me to take photos or film the sonogram. I didn't tell them that I already had a peek at Satchel last week in my own office. (Jen took the most wonderful sono photos) In the short time between the sono Jen took and the sono taken in my doctor's office, Satchel has gained 3 ounces and is now 12 inches long. We were told that he's a little big for his gestational age, but that it's ok. The sonographer commented on how long Satchel's fingers are. Robert replied, "Look at his mom's hands". It is clear that Satchel has my hands.
The amazing thing about the sonogram is all the movement that's going on...not just the baby, but you can actually see little specks of shed skin cells floating around in the amniotic fluid.
I told Robert that Satchel reminded me of an astronaut floating in space attached to his ship by a cord at the belly....space dust floating by. It's like an actual universe in there. He agreed.
I told our doctor that, every so often, I get a pain that feels like it's in my cervix. I thought for sure he would think I was nuts, but he told me that it's very common and that it's actually Satchel kicking the top of my cervix. After all the procedures I had during the IVF process, I have become very aware of exactly where my reproductive organs are. I also told him that I thought that I was having Braxton Hicks Contractions and he confirmed that I was indeed experiencing them. It's my body practicing for Satchel's birth. I find this amazing. We don't think about breathing or our heart beating...it just happens. And so it is with birth...our bodies just know what to do.
I can't help thinking about something my sensei once said to me. I was in the dojo trying very hard to learn a series of movements and becoming frustrated with myself. He turned to me and said, "Wendy, when you create a piece of art you see it in your mind first then your hands make it....all you have to do is picture yourself doing the moves and your body will eventually follow".
I have applied this wisdom to many areas of my life. I pictured myself pregnant during IVF. I literally stood in front of the bathroom mirror one day and pushed my belly out to give myself an image to hold on to. I pictured us living in "Fuller House" before our offer was ever accepted. I pictured myself working in an OB/GYN practice (with the hope of helping other women who are considering IVF) before I actually got the job.
I will hold this wisdom close to my heart during labor and try to remember that my body knows what to do. I will listen to my body. I will try to picture Satchel's birth going smoothly so that my body will follow.
Labels: IVF, The Journey
