Monday, September 27, 2010

Within This Silence

"My heart has joined the thousand,
for my friend stopped running today"
- Richard Adams (Watership Down)


This is the place where we buried the body of my beloved friend, Elvis. Over the bridge by the koi pond near the body of my other cat Sid, his buddy. I felt it was what Elvis would have wanted. Satch agrees.




This is the huge heart shaped rock that I found in the stream with Satch last summer. I took it with me to NY to mark his grave.

































Elvis was extremely intelligent, highly intuitive and my companion for some seventeen years...actually it was almost 18 years, but I'm still in denial. He had eyes the color of sky and breath that could peel paint. He had a lovely purr. Being of Siamese descent, he was also very vocal and my favorite mew sounded like, "Merroo". So that became one of his nicknames, Merroo. He had other aliases too, Elvis-R-Pelvis, Elvees, Peetzapeetz, Zing-Ding-Daka-Deeka-Doo, Merv, and Shingtoo-the-ninja-cat. You see, as T.S. Elliot pointed out, an ineffable cat must have (at least) 3 different names.

There are a few who got to know Elvis and they are grieving with us. Although this remarkable soul inhabited a cat's body, the loss is just as significant and devastating as any other.

Elvis cashed in a couple of his proverbial 9 lives when he was a youngster. Once was when he fell out of the window (I don't know how) of my Greenwich Village flat above the Sullivan Street Playhouse. Unharmed he had the good sense to scratch at the front door howling and an elderly neighbor figured that he must live there, found the door miraculously unlocked so he let him in. When I returned from work and Elvis wasn't there to greet me, I panicked and ran down the block asking if anyone had seen him. I saw this elderly gent and he told me what had transpired. I went back into my building, stood in the stairwell and called his name. There was a faint mew and then Elvis crawled out from beneath the staircase where he was hiding. Smart cat. He ALWAYS came when I called his name. Oh my heart.

The other time was when he chased a squirrel off of our roof. The squirrel jumped and grabbed the fire escape on the way down. Elvis leaped after him and (thankfully) landed in the window box outside my kitchen window. Again, my heart.

Elvis still had the wild in him and that is one of the things I loved most about him. That and his hugs. Yes, Elvis hugged...paws around the neck, cheek to cheek. I remember the time my Sensei was cat sitting for me and when I returned he approached me with an odd look on his face. He said, "Wendy...this is going to sound really crazy...but I swear...I think your cat hugs me". Oh did I laugh. I explained that he was not crazy and that Elvis did hug. He didn't hug everyone, he was discerning.

Once there was a fellow whom I dated briefly. He seemed nice enough. He was NYPD, however, something about him creeped me out and I just didn't know why. So, I introduced him to Elvis and my cat recoiled, stiffened then hissed when he came near. I said, "Don't touch my cat" and got rid of the dude. Elvis never did that before and never did that since. Seems Elvis was as much my guardian as I his.

Elvis gave me much laughter. Like the time my friend and I bought a Christmas tree for the flat and discovered it was a tad sparse. I went over to the plant district and bought a big bag of dried Baby's Breath to fill in the bare spots and the tree didn't looks so bad after all. The next morning when I woke it looked like it had snowed in the living room. Elvis was leaping at the tree and Baby's Breath was flying everywhere. I don't know why, but this particular flower put Elvis into a frenzy, it was like catnip only more intense. So I grew some on the roof for him.

When he was a youngster he liked to play fetch. As he got older he became fond of rubber bands and liked to fling them in the air with his teeth and then bat them. He HATED koosh balls and if they touched his fur he would immediately clean the spot where it touched him.

He loved tissue paper which made gift wrapping especially tricky. He liked to leap right through the sheets, roll on them, and tear them. He did the same gravity defying maneuvers whenever I made the bed, hurling his body into the billowing sheets. I often resorted to making the bed on top of him while he tunneled around like a mole, and eventually crawled out from under.

Elvis always made it clear what he wanted. Milk? He swatted the refrigerator door and mewed. Food? He'd open the cabinet and howl. If I didn't respond to him fast enough he would jump on the counter and swat things off. To his credit, he would do this slowly...like an inch or so at a time. If something broke it was truly my own damn fault.

When Elvis was a kitten he slept on my neck. He wouldn't have it any other way, then he became Sid's beloved and the two of them slept wrapped around one another. That is where he slept until Sid died. After that he found a number of different nests. For the last two years it has been the window of my art studio. As you can imagine, it makes sitting here typing this very painful because I'm so used to him being there.

The last few months Elvis would join Satch for his bedtime story. He was like clockwork and if there were any delays, we would find Elvis already in bed waiting. This was one of the gifts he gave Satch. Clearly he touched Satch in the same way he had touched me. Satch grieved as fiercely as I. He sobbed, "He was a wonderful, beautiful cat...I am going to miss his purr...it is too painful for me like a balloon of sadness".

Elvis stopped eating like he did two years ago. Only then I felt it wasn't his time. The tests came up empty. We hired a pet nurse to hydrate him and feed him and he rebounded and life was good. Then nearly two years later he stopped eating again. This time we learned he had hyperthyroidism so we began transdermal meds immediately. He seemed to get better, then suddenly worse. Further tests revealed that he had numerous age related issues that would be impossible if not cruel to try to treat. We discharged him from the animal hospital and took him home. We cried. Robert stayed up with Elvis for most of the night while I snuggled Satch. None of us slept really.

I told Satch to take a good look at Elvis and try to see that he had used up his body and was ready to leave it behind. I told him that we would help Elvis do that, it was our duty because we love him so. It would be the hardest, saddest thing, but also the most loving thing we could do for him. I told him that I alone would be with Elvis when he left his body, but afterward he could hold him. I told him that he would see for himself that his body was like a shell for his spirit. I told him that I believe his spirit will always be with us, even though his cat body must go back to the earth. I told him that Elvis came here in a cat body and cat bodies don't live as long as human bodies. And even though he came to us in a cat body, he is still family and that is why I believe his spirit will always be with us.

The next morning I called Dr. Brook to come to our home and help free Elvis from his failing body. Elvis picked a spot on the sofa and laid down. He rested his head in my hands and I kissed him repeatedly, whispering, "I love you...thank you for being my cat...Sid is waiting for you...find Sid...I love you...I love you". He was purring. When he left his body behind he was purring. Afterward the doctor and I sat there and cried. She stroked his hind legs gently, then hugged me before leaving. She rearranged her appointments to help us, kind and compassionate.

Words can't express the depth of love, nor the sorrow I feel. I will miss him always, all ways.

I took the tag from the collar that he wore on Sullivan St. He didn't wear a collar when we lived in Battery Park City because the chances of him getting outside the high rise were nil. I placed it on my talisman necklace next to Sid's.

















To Learn From Animal Being by John O'Donohue

Nearer to the earth's heart;
Deeper within its silence;
Animals know this world
In a way we never will...

May we learn to return
And rest in the beauty
Of animal being,
Learn to lean low,
Leave our locked minds,
And with freed senses
Feel the earth
Breathing with us.

May we enter
Into lightness of spirit,
And slip frequently into
The feel of the wild...

May we learn to walk
Upon the earth
With all their confidence
And clear-eyed stillness
So that our minds
May be baptized
In the name of the wind
And the light and the rain.






















In loving memory of Elvis the Cat October 1992 - September 23, 2010

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posted by Wendy at 5:54 AM 10 comments

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Crunchy

"Crunchy would be a good word to write in your web."- E.B. White (Charlotte's Web)


When I drove S to Discovery Woods yesterday he asked me if I could bring his camera when I came back to pick him up. He was very excited about the enormous garden spider and wanted to photograph it.

I arrived early and sat on the log pile. The children were just returning from the meadow when S spotted me. "It's not time yet, Mama", he shouted, wanting to soak up every last second of this magical place.

When he emerged again, I handed him his camera and we both photographed his teacher releasing the latest Monarch to emerge, this one a male.


Then he took me to the front yard to show me Charlotte, the garden spider. He pointed out her egg case and noted that it looked like his mantis egg case. He photographed the spider then showed his mates how to use his camera. They each took a turn.

I am so happy that his days are filled with wonder and awe. I miss sharing those moments with him. I am grateful for his daily recounting of his adventures and the teachers' notes and photos that make his tales all the more vivid.

"Did you miss me?", he asked.

"More than you know", I replied.

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posted by Wendy at 5:22 AM 0 comments

Monday, September 13, 2010

To Sense in Small Things

"Awe enables us to perceive in the world intimations of the divine, to sense in small things the beginning of infinite significance...to feel the rush of the passing of stillness of the eternal. The beginning of awe is wonder, and the beginning of wisdom is awe." - Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel


This week has been so full for our family, there's much to reflect upon. S enjoyed his first week at Discovery Woods immensely. On Friday, I took him to our local nature center for their first annual frog release. It was a joy.

After the froglets were released into the frog pond, the children were given "frog juice" aka limeade to celebrate. We said a toast to our little green friends and look forward to visiting the new frog pond again and again.

In the evening we joined friends for a Mexican feast then played at this cool playground until long after the sun went down and Ursa Major romped into the night sky.

Our cat, Elvis, had another health crisis and stopped eating again, as he did almost 2 years ago to the day. He had to be hydrated twice, and labs finally revealed a clue to the mystery. He now has hyperthyroidism. He begins meds and monitoring and we are all wishing he will recover. If we can stabilize him, he may be a candidate for radiation treatment and live to a ripe old age. That is our wish.

On Sunday we worked at our son's school helping to install the outdoor chalkboards that they built the day before. While we worked, Satch and M ran off to the meadow to play. Satch found a toad and the two sprites promptly built a house for it. The toad chirped in his hand and S said, "Mr. Toad is singing for the world and my hand is his stage!"

They discovered that one of the Monarchs emerged. They released it in the meadow. Then they made themselves a really cool fort.

Later we went to try a vegetarian restaurant that we had heard about called Sunflower. As I sat looking at the menu, I recognized a dish that I had only seen at one other vegetarian restaurant...it was in NYC. It was one of my favorite haunts and I dined there until it closed sometime after 9/11. What are the odds, right? I walked over to the owner/manager and asked if he once had a restaurant in SoHo...he smiled and said, "YES...in SoHo!". I couldn't believe it. I told him that it was a favorite of mine and that I was a regular there. I told him that I moved here just a few years ago. He was as excited as I. The food was as delicious as I remember. After eating myself into a stupor, I felt like I was home. We'll be going back on my birthday next month.

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posted by Wendy at 5:15 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Teach Them What They Are

"Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you." - Pablo Casals


















Dear Satch,

I can't believe how much you've grown this summer: your decision to attend nature camp; riding your balance bike; and learning to swim. I promised you that I would make you a Merboy Talisman necklace when you learned to swim under water, and you did it! "Are you teary?", you asked with an impish grin.






























Today is your first day of School. I can hardly believe it. You tell anyone within earshot, "I've achieved big boy status". You are so excited. Yesterday you made a list of the things you wanted to do on your first day.












We searched far and wide to find a school that would feel very much like home, so while I will miss spending our days together, I take comfort in knowing that you will be surrounded by kindred spirits. You will spend your days doing many of the same things we did together, looking for creatures, climbing trees, digging, drawing, writing and painting. You will be outside, not in a classroom. You will be free to run, to climb, to get messy...free to be you.

We thought long and hard about some small gift to give you to honor this new chapter in your life. Now that you have achieved big boy status, we presented you with your very own wrist watch. You are wild about your time piece, especially the flames on the wrist band.

As you race eagerly towards each new milestone, may you always remember to savor each moment. For me time passes much too quickly.

I love you,
Mama

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posted by Wendy at 5:35 AM 3 comments

Friday, September 03, 2010

Risk Your Own Significance






















(Portrait above was a joint effort by Tyler, Hailie and my son, Satch.)

I am so very thrilled to announce that my work is on page 145 of Patti Digh's new book, Four-Word Self-Help: Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives!

I have been a fan of her blog, 37 days, for oh so long, so this is like the icing on the cake of my life. Thank you, Patti.

Four-Word Self-Help is a chunky little book brimming with simple wisdom served in four-word morsels.

I plan to keep this book in the mighty tipi at my Mighty Girl Art empowerment camp and ask the girls to open to a random page...that will be our thought/action for the day.

Here is my piece for page 145: Risk your own significance.















And Leaves Say Alas ©W.Cook

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posted by Wendy at 5:45 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

The Living and the Loving

"Be
Be, butterfly and behemoth,
be galaxy and grasshopper,
star and sparrow,
you matter,
you are,
be!....

S is decoding the mysteries around him. From punctuation to traffic signs, no stone is left unturned in his "Naming" process. He uses his findings to create lists, maps and signage of his own. Every Saturday he makes a list of treats to buy at the market, and has recently begun emphasizing his requests with exclamation marks.

One evening, as he was setting the table, he decided to make place cards for our seats. Of course that ignited a creative spark and I let my ember smolder until we had a "Code Red Air Quality Day". That day came soon after and I grabbed the fabric markers and some cotton place mats (that I bought at Ikea for 99 cents) and asked S to design our family place mats.


















On his own mat, he drew our family including Elvis the cat.

I love how he portrayed himself with his long hair and striped shirt, his father with shaved head, glasses and plaid shirt. Above our little home, a huge heart filled with love...and a dragon for good measure, of course.

On mine...how we are portrayed looking very much alike...the elephant in my flower garden and the bird flying by. I love how he made a rainbow heart because he remembered how the song, "Double Rainbow" makes me laugh (so intense).

But most of all...I am swooning over all the heart shaped dollops of love that adorn each of our place mats.

Sing for the glory
of the living and the loving
the flaming of creation
sing with us
dance with us
be with us.
Be!" - Madeleine L'Engle (A Wind in the Door)
*If you would like to be with us...we will be enjoying an Autumn afternoon at the Morris Arboretum, exploring the Tree Adventure and visiting Patrick's Summer Palace on Oct. 10th! I am booking only a few photo sessions in the gorgeous gardens...if you'd like to hire, please contact me to save the slot.

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posted by Wendy at 6:18 AM 0 comments