Summer Soul Quest: Part II The Hidden

"Seeing in the dark means seeing the things that ordinary sight overlooks...seeing in an unusual way that is resonate with your body and soul. The psyche is an enormous landscape into which there are many features that many people bypass because they are so consumed with the whir of life. The medial woman sees most everything because she pays attention from her soul, from her spirit, from her mind, from her body, from her heart, from her creative imagination, from her instincts and from her memory. The medial woman stands between the world of the obvious and the world of the hidden...the world that is not so easily seen as people rush along." - Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Seeing in the Dark)

"She was quite unlike the island women and some of her ways were so strange. Why, she'd go out on the rocks when the tide was low to talk to the seabirds and seals. And wherever she went on the island the seals were always watching her from the sea while the seabirds wheeled about her, calling her in a language she seemed to understand, for often she'd call out a reply that would set them laughing the way gulls do." - (The Secret of Ron Mor Skerry / Roan Inish)


We went to NY on holiday to visit friends and family...and so that I could attend my 30th (yes) high school reunion on Long Island. I had some trepidation about attending the reunion as I always felt like an outsider in high school. I never had that sense of belonging that others seemed to radiate. I kept to myself unless someone engaged me in conversation. I wasn't athletic, I wasn't popular, pretty, or a brainiac. I was either lost in my own thoughts or somewhere in the art wing.
Yet I felt a tug to go to this reunion because I needed to move outside my comfort zone and examine more closely this discomfort that I recall, the feeling of not fitting in, of not belonging. I needed to sit with those old feelings and rock them. I felt that it would help me connect more deeply with the girls that I teach...girls who are in a very vulnerable position as they stand at the threshold of womanhood.

"How might your life have different, if there had been a place for you?", asks Judith Duerk in her book "Circle of Stones".

This is the question I've asked myself time and again ever since I read her work. The answer to that question is the very reason I launched Mighty Girl Art camp. It is the very reason I pound the stakes into the ground each summer and raise my tipi, The House of Belonging.

During the car ride to NY, I listened to "Seeing in the Dark" by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes whom I am so very fond of. I purchased the audio months ago, but was saving it for this trip. The timing was profound, and the message apt. I soon realized that this trip was a pilgrimage. I would take my son to the places that hold my childhood memories. I would also make it a quest to seek the unseen places and try to find that fractured part of myself and hold her and say, "you're okay...you are now walking this earth stronger than ever".
Upon entering the banquet room where our reunion was held, I noticed a memory board of classmates that have since died. It was painful to look at. I looked at the names and faces and thought, "this is the reason we were all here...to celebrate our lives together, not just for ourselves, but for our friends who are no longer living".

Some time later, a man came up to me and asked "do you remember me"?

I said, "I remember that you were in my first grade class...and you gave me a pin...a kitty with two pink stones in the ears...and I was deeply touched because it was the first time I received a gift from someone other than family and you did so simply because you liked me...I was six years old and I still remember that 41 years later".

He began to tell me about work...and I listened then asked, "What brings you joy?" He smiled then proceeded to tell me such wonderful things about his life.

And so I began mining for joy. Over and over I asked my classmates, "What do you love and what brings you joy" and each time my heart was rewarded. I heard about children, a restored Studebaker and even a houseboat! An old chum told me that no matter how late he gets home from work, and even though his kids are grown, he always goes into their room to wake them with a kiss and tell them he loves them. The wife of a classmate told me a beautiful story of how she met her soulmate. What a gift!

And there were other gifts...
Here, I must rewind to the night before, to a gathering on Swan River, when a man walked up to me with eyes lost in memory and said, "Wendy Cook, you were always on the outskirts". His words gave me goosebumps although it was 103 degrees in the shade. My head suddenly began to spin because I realized that my experience had just been validated. I had found that part of myself and I held her close to my heart.

It took me 47 years to understand why creatives are looked at like they don't belong, why they are pushed to the outside. It's because creatives have other ways of seeing. They move through this world a bit differently. What I did not realize until now, thanks to Dr. Estes, is that we are not really on the outskirts, but rather on the frontiers. As Dr. Estes said, "The trees and the flowers don't grow from the center, they grow from the edges". My perception of feeling like an outsider, and the invisible push was the very gift that nourished my growth. It was not intended to hurt me, it was intended to guide me. Guide me to the places where I could flourish, and lead me to people who could nurture my form of expression.

At the precise moment those fated words left his lips, I looked down and saw a feather and I remembered Dr. Estes' "Prayer for the Outsider"...

"These souls were explicitly created to fly through more than one world and to return, ever return, to tell the stories of what can be seen when one is allowed to soar."
After the reunion we spent another two days visiting some of my favorite haunts. It was a gift to see my son explore the places that hold my childhood secrets. I watched him play with his daddy on the very shore I once played with my own dad. There with one foot in the past and one foot in the present, I gathered a handful of perfectly smooth, incredibly white, egg shaped stones to remind myself of all that I learned. It was soulful teaching to revisit the memories hidden within these sacred places, a privilege to spend some time with family and friends.

As I sit here in my studio reflecting on our trip, I am reminded of these words by Confucius...

Wherever you go, go with all your heart.

Under the rocks and stones
there is water underground.
Same as it ever was...
time isn't holding us" - Talking Heads

2008 Holiday Gift Guide

It's hard to believe the holiday season is upon us already. As you know, we're always on the qui vive for quality and imaginative toys and gifts. So, I wanted to give you a list of some of our tried and true picks for this holiday season. They are all quite marvelous with the added bonus of being mom-ufactured, family operated, earth friendly, fair trade or just plain fun:

Gonge, a family owned business in Denmark, makes amazing sensory toys of the highest quality.

The balancing board is a clever toy that improves motor skills by rocking, spinning and balancing. It can be played with solo or with a friend, standing or sitting. This giggle inducer is for ages 3+

The Little Travelers videos are beautiful and educational. Children get a glimpse into other cultures and customs through the eyes of two wee girls. These are not glossy commercial productions...their beauty lies in their realism because the girls were not directed, but rather observed by their mom. The series was produced and filmed by kindred mama, Angelina Hart, who at times had to put the camera on her lap in order to be in the frame. She purchased a few books at the bookstore and taught herself how to shoot documentaries. These videos are a lovely way to foster a sense of interconnectedness and global awareness as well as supporting the creative vision of a beautiful mama!

Another beautiful mama to note is Susan Bell whom, for the love of family and earth, launched her own business, Satch & Sol. She sells earth friendly, fair trade, handmade items made by Mongolian artisans.

We are completely obsessed with her line of handmade slippers. These slippers are gorgeous and reasonably priced! The wool is thick, soft, and warm.

Handmade items are so very special and even at 3 yrs old, my son has an appreciation for things that are handmade. He wore his slippers all day and didn't want to take them off at bedtime.

In the spirit of the holiday season, Susan is giving Mother Rising readers a generous 20% off all merchandise from her on-line boutique until the remainder of the year (except gift certificates). Simply use the code, Rising20.

Susan is mama to two delightful boys, Satchel and Solomon.

Twig Pencils are so earthy and visually pleasing that you may be tempted to put them in a vase on your table. They feel wonderful in your hand and the colors are vivid and blend nicely.

You can find them at A Toy Garden, the charming store owned and operated by kindred mama, Sonya Bingaman. Sonya lives in California with her two beautiful children. A social worker by trade, but after the birth of her daughter, she began crafting toys at home and selling them at local fairs. When her business began to grow, she opened A Toy Garden, where she sells unique handcrafted products made from natural materials. Her selection is sourced from all over the world and is sold at very reasonable prices. Gift wrapping is free...bright tissue that is easy for wee hands to open, tied with silky rainbow ribbon.
While you're there, check out the Nature's Kaleidoscope Kit. It's a kaleidoscope that children can create and recreate over and over with bits of stones and other natural objects. Very cool!

The Learning Tower by Little Partners was designed by kindred mama, Carol Gamble, who is a trained Montessori Infant/Toddler Specialist and is President and CEO of Little Partners. The Learning Tower is a fitting name for this unique and versatile product. It can be used in multiple ways. The Learning Tower enables children to participate in activities that otherwise would be beyond their reach. In the kitchen, they can safely help parents prepare meals, or play in the sink. Allowing children to help in the kitchen provides an opportunity for learning, and fosters a sense of independence while further strengthening the family bond. The Learning Tower adjusts in height to enable children to participate safely. Chairs can tip, stools don't have any safety rails and when children are engrossed in play a/o helping, they can easily become distracted and fall.

In addition to the practicality of The Learning Tower, there are a number of accessories that can be purchased to expand it's functionality and playability. It can be used as a playhouse, a puppet stage, or an art easel, for example. Maria Montessori said it best, "To assist children, we must provide them with an environment which will enable them to develop freely", and The Learning Tower is a step (no pun intended) in the right direction. For ages 18 months and up.

Some fun uses for The Learning Tower:

• Kitchen Science
• Stage a shadow puppet show

To go with The Learning Tower, you might also want to grab yourself a copy of "Gadgetology: Kitchen Fun with Your Kids, Using 35 Cooking Gadgets for Simple Recipes, Crafts, Games and Experiments". The author, Pam Abrams, is the mother of two children. She categorizes the projects/recipes in this fun book by the type of kitchen gadget used. We're in love with the walnut shell sailboats!

HABA's Block & Tackle set is fun and educational! The craftsmanship is superb, as one would expect from HABA, and it can effortlessly lift up to 350 lbs. It can be attached to the ceiling, a stairwell, loft, bunk bed, or trees. One of Satchel's favorite toys from last Xmas is a simple wooden crane, and HABA's Block & Tackle makes lifting an exciting new experience. Pulleys are simple machines that teach children about physics through play. Children enjoy figuring out how things work and here are some resources to enrich their curiosity with simple machines like pulleys:

• Explore Gadgets for Preschoolers
• Mudpies to Magnets (excerpt)
• Purposeful Play: Pulley Go Fish (excerpt)
• Play with Pulleys
• Simple Machines K-12

Tree Blocks are a marvelous, free form and tactile building set. They can be purchased with bark or without. The Tree Blocks company is one of the first companies in the US to offer toys made from reclaimed, recycled and sustainably harvested wood. The operation is managed by Juergen Eichhorn, the son of the founder of Eichhorn Company, Germany's oldest and most respected wood toy maker. Another favorite is the Crash Car. A toy originally designed for visually impaired children, the magnetic parts make it impossible to reassemble incorrectly. The fact that they would design a toy that can be enjoyed by visually impaired children is a reflection of the their thoughtfulness.

Gears! Gears! Gears! by Learning Resources is a construction set with lights and motion. It takes building to a whole new level.

There is no right or wrong way to connect these gears so the possibilities are endless and therefore has a high playability factor! Gears are another simple machine that teaches children about physics through play. I've written about Learning Resources here and here and here. Learning Resources manufactures innovative, high quality educational toys for the classroom and home.
The very cheeky, Christmas Tree in a Box, is paper art by, paper engineer, Sam Ita and illustrator, Karen Greenberg. It's pre-cut and ready to assemble. It is recommended for ages 9-12, but I know dozens of adults who would get a kick out of it as well.

I wish I had a truck load of these to take to hospitals and nursing homes.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

A Lot Like Love

"We danced too wild, and we sang too long, and we hugged too hard, and we kissed too sweet, and howled just as loud as we wanted to howl, because by now we were all old enough to know that what looks like crazy on an ordinary day looks a lot like love if you catch it in the moonlight."~Pearl Cleage

This is me at the end of an ordinary day as I try to find my equilibrium on the predictably unpredictable roller coaster ride that is mothering a son with SPD. So few people know about SPD nor how it affects the behavior of the children who have it.

Even though Satch has done remarkably well and has been discharged from occupational therapy, the part of the brain that controls the way he receives data is still playing catch-up. He still senses things differently than the rest of us and thus behaves differently than one would expect in some situations. It's painful to witness my beautiful son continue to struggle with finding a way to fit in this world. He struggles to focus, struggles to remember boundaries, struggles to understand body language, struggles to remember the rules of conduct.

It's painful to watch him act the fool because in his mind, laughter is good, laughter means happiness. He struggles to understand when laughter is appropriate and when it's not. I once saw him drop trou because the child he was playing with was terribly upset and crying and it caused him such anxiety that he was willing to do anything to make her laugh, to make her "happy". Laughter = Happy in his world. It took some work to help him understand that his friend was entitled to her sad feelings and that it is not his job to make everyone laugh. I explained that sometimes just listening and being present for sad feelings is the best gift we can give. (Satch has an aversion to hugging anyone other than his family because of his sensory issues, so offering a hug is out of the question for him).

It seems that no matter how many times I explain things, no matter the consequences, the message is not retained. He still gets his wires crossed, so to speak. Satch describes it as feeling like "his gears get stuck". The bottom line is that he is like a spirited impulsive toddler living in a 5 year old body with an intellect more than twice his physical age. We guide our toddlers with grace knowing that they will outgrow certain behaviors, and impulsivity. It's hard not to have greater expectations from such an articulate and intelligent 5 year old.

What my son needs is simply the grace of time. I have to remind myself continuously, and try not to get wrung out by emotion when he is misunderstood.

He can be perceived as bossy or controlling and this is true on the surface, but beneath that is the reality that he is so confused by all the data that the rest of us so naturally process, he struggles to maintain his own sense of balance and grapples for things that he can control. Imagine how powerless you would feel if you were at a business convention and everyone there seemed to know what was going on, what to do, where to go, and how to act. Imagine that you kept getting lost, kept doing things wrong, and made people angry because you didn't get the memo. That is what it's like for my son - he didn't get the memo - and he goes through all the same emotions that we would in trying to deal with that. He gets embarrassed, he pretends it doesn't bother him, he gets angry at himself, he gets angry at the world. He struggles and it hurts. He's not misbehaving, he's misunderstanding.

There are times when I think that I lack the patience and fortitude it takes to mother him the way he deserves and then after the whirlpool of emotions rips me wide open, I come full circle into knowing that I have more patience than I give myself credit for, that I'm stronger than I know, that my capacity for love and understanding grows in direct relation to the extent I feel depleted.

I trust that my boy who is disruptively uncomfortable in groups will grow to be the man who prefers to spend time with his family and close friends rather than at a party or at noisy crowded events. My boy who tries to ignite laughter at inappropriate times will grow to be the man who skillfully uses humor to diffuse difficult situations. My boy whose senses are so heightened that he perceives the world around him differently, more slowly than others will grow into a man who has fine tuned his perceptions in a way that can only be seen as a gift .

Mom to Mom: Jennifer Ward

"It is a happy talent to know how to play" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently, I received a copy of Jennifer Ward's new book, "let's go outside" for review...WOW...I was honored! If you're looking for some fun outdoor things to do with your kidlets then you'll enjoy this sweet little guide full of projects and activities. There is a chapter with TEN types of tag that brought back memories from my own child and helped me recall some versions that I played as a child. The chapter on panning was our inspiration on this particular afternoon. Needless to say, I just had to chat her up. It is my great pleasure to introduce kindred mama, Jennifer Ward...


Mom: Jennifer Ward
Of: Kelly (17)
Where: Illinois and Arizona
Site: Jennifer Ward Books

1. In what ways has becoming a mother changed you?

JW: Wow, that is a question that has an infinite number of answers, because the changes are many and ever-evolving. I was once the overly protective and overly doting mom to my only daughter, and now I'm learning to practice complete trust and faith with my daughter's growing independence and freedom as she approaches adulthood. The protectiveness is still there, in my head and my heart, but I've learned to rein them in and celebrate her independence with confidence and faith. In a nutshell, though, I'd say being a mother has humbled me as a person, and has afforded me an opportunity to grow emotionally, spiritually and intellectually over the course of years as I share my life with another human whose life I help foster and facilitate -such a gift.

2. What message would you like to share with other mothers?

JW: Structure and routine with family life is important, but so is spontaneity and unstructured play time with young children - so create the balance in your child's life that allows them to "be" children. Children have such a strong sense of imagination, curiosity and wonder, and unstructured play ignites all three. In addition, it's vital that parents spend time with children outdoors. Nature is a huge stress reliever, and even children experience stress. And don't we all need a change of scenery now and again? Why not take time to gaze at the clouds, as each peek to the sky is a unique one? : ) Encourage your kids to get dirty when they play in nature. Allow them to experience the choices they make and learn from them, all the while facilitating their actions with love and wisdom. And finally, hug your children often, and tell them you love them.

3. How do you orchestrate your passions as Mother, Author?

JW: The two are fairly intertwined, as I've been writing professionally for most of my daughter's life. She actually gave me the idea for my first published book, "Way Out in the Desert", when she was three years old. Being a writer, though, has been a wonderful profession to embark on as a mother, as it has allowed me to work at home and keep flexible hours. As my career as an author evolved and grew, Kelly's love of creating, reading and writing also grew - we share those passions, which is really wonderful. On a more specific level of orchestrating the two, I try to do most of my "bizzy" work (office work related to writing) and structure my writing time while Kelly's at school, leaving weekends and evenings free. When I do work on weekends, such as having to do a book signing somewhere, Kelly will sometimes come with me, which is nice bonus for me, indeed.

4. What inspired you to create "let's go outside"?

JW: Let's Go Outside! was written as a resource for parents of older children, in order to provide fun, open-ended experiences in nature together. It's a fact that children today spend far less time outdoors as my generation did. And as kids get older and more independent, it can pose an even greater challenge to get them outside and away from the nearest electrical outlet or electronic gadget. Research has proven the many benefits of nature's impact on people of all ages, so "Let's Go Outside" is a simple, user friendly "tool",-if you wish to call it that - that offers activities, games and experiences parents and kids can enjoy together outside, all the while using primarily just your imagination and your senses.

5. What are some simple things that parents can do foster a connection with nature?

JW: The most important thing a parent can do to foster a connection with nature is to serve as a role model in nature. Help your child to be aware of what is outdoors and what nature offers. Point out the sights, smells and sounds you experience in nature. You don't need to go far to discover and enjoy what's outside. It can be experienced while waiting at the school bus stop, in a tree in a parking lot, on a small patio, in a crack in the sidewalk...just make your child aware. Explore a tree's bark. What's going on upon that tree? Experience the sounds wind creates on buildings and in trees. How many different sounds can you hear? Let the rain fall on your face; catch snowflakes on your tongue. Immerse and enjoy! Let's Go Outside! offers many simple activities families can do in nature together, such as taking story time outdoors. And for those families who are regularly immersed in nature as part of their home-routine, there are activities, games and experiences that take your outdoor experiences to a much deeper level of appreciation.

6. Lastly, what moves you, grounds you, fills your well?

JW: Coincidentally, the very things we discussed above: first and foremost, being a mom. Spending time in nature, my family (including four sisters) and having close friends in my life definitely fills my well and grounds me, too.

Seasonal Book Basket: Autumn

In celebration of the first day of fall, here's what you'll find in our seasonal book basket!

In a Nutshell is a beautifully illustrated story about the life cycle of an oak tree and the interconnectedness of all living things.

This Teacher's Choice award winner is a beautifully illustrated retelling of an old favorite from the Brothers Grimm. The paintings have a warm glow and I love how the needle and thread frames the page.

Darling is the best word to describe this book and has inspired us to build our own fairy houses. I think we will make our Halloween Pumpkin a fairy house this year. The Fairy House series has become a phenomenon and encourages children to use found objects from nature to create beautiful tiny houses. So wonderful!


Pumpkin Circle is a story about the life cycle of a pumpkin with beautiful photography by Shmuel Thaler. Treat yourself to a peek here!

Vincent's Colors is a beautiful way to explore the world of color through art...
and then go leaf peeping!

Soon the leaves will be will be falling...a perfect opportunity for learning to identify trees with this Fandex Family Field Guide. I love the die cut leaves.

Dem Bones! Is a fun way to teach children a bit about anatomy and good book to have handy for Halloween when all those creepy skeleton decorations start appearing. Would make a cool gift when given with this skeleton floor puzzle.

Gosh! I wish I had this when I was a kid! The Knit-it-kit for kids includes needles, yarn and simple instructions for several fun projects to work on during cold weather days.
I'm going too teach myself to knit...