Most Alive Monday: Strange Still Place
touch on yours. How shall I lift it
over you to other things?
Ah, willingly I’d store it away
with some lost thing in the dark,
in some strange still place, that
does not tremble when your depths tremble.
But all that touches us, you and me,
takes us, together, like the stroke of a bow,
that draws one chord out of the two strings.
On what instrument are we strung?
And what artist has us in their hand?
O sweet song. - Rainer Maria Rilke
Elvis stopped eating again and we're completely befuddled. The vet came by and took more blood tests and another 300 dollars. He's on a second round of antibiotics even though his previous labs came back normal. If this behavior continues they will need to do x-rays and a sono to check for a possible tumor.
I'm emotionally raw.
And if that's not shitty enough - my camera officially died! So I packaged it up and sent it to Nikon to see if it can be repaired.
It may seem silly to some, but to be without my camera makes me feel seriously wonky, anxious and edgy...because it has been a major creative outlet for me since I became a mom with less time for large and lengthy projects. With my camera I am able to validate the fleeting yet significant fragments of time...moments, gestures and prove to myself that, YES, these things, this magic really DID happen.
And then I lean towards you, gently offering a palm full of pixels and whisper, "Tell me, do you see it too?"
Now I feel as if my mouth has been taped shut and I'm flailing my arms in a feeble attempt to communicate something...and it's all muffled...and you're sitting beside me saying, "what...WHAT?"
When Satch fell asleep in the fort that he built beside the dining room table...I paced back and forth on the wood floor trying to burn the image into my memory...the way his little hand was tucked under his cheek. So precious! I grabbed his camera and slid it beneath the flap and clicked, but it was unable to focus in the dark, as blurry as a dream.
How we laughed when, while getting ready to go to the pool, he decided to draw all over his belly with a red marker! I reached for his camera again.
If you've been reading my diary long enough you probably know that I'm a very visual person...that I'm not a wordsmith. Yet somehow, with a mouthful of words and a picture, I can revisit the moments and take you there with me. And I like sharing that with you and hearing from you and knowing that you're riding this rock with me. I really do.
But, until I get my camera back, I will not be blogging. August's mom to mom interview will post as planned...and you're going to love her.
I will be back as soon as I can (and I hope with good news about my cat too).
*About Most Alive Monday: I've decided to make at least one "most alive choice" each day and post my favorite each Monday. This, of course, is to motivate me to consciously "live juicy"! I hope you'll join me and share your "most alive moment" in the comments section so we may inspire each other.
You may also post photos of your "most alive moments" in my most alive flickr pool! (If you post a photo in pool, be sure to include your link in the comment)