Monday, July 28, 2008

Most Alive Monday: Strange Still Place

How shall I hold my soul so it does not
touch on yours. How shall I lift it
over you to other things?
Ah, willingly I’d store it away
with some lost thing in the dark,
in some strange still place, that
does not tremble when your depths tremble.
But all that touches us, you and me,
takes us, together, like the stroke of a bow,
that draws one chord out of the two strings.
On what instrument are we strung?
And what artist has us in their hand?
O sweet song. - Rainer Maria Rilke

Elvis stopped eating again and we're completely befuddled. The vet came by and took more blood tests and another 300 dollars. He's on a second round of antibiotics even though his previous labs came back normal. If this behavior continues they will need to do x-rays and a sono to check for a possible tumor.

I'm emotionally raw.

And if that's not shitty enough - my camera officially died! So I packaged it up and sent it to Nikon to see if it can be repaired.

It may seem silly to some, but to be without my camera makes me feel seriously wonky, anxious and edgy...because it has been a major creative outlet for me since I became a mom with less time for large and lengthy projects. With my camera I am able to validate the fleeting yet significant fragments of time...moments, gestures and prove to myself that, YES, these things, this magic really DID happen.

And then I lean towards you, gently offering a palm full of pixels and whisper, "Tell me, do you see it too?"

Now I feel as if my mouth has been taped shut and I'm flailing my arms in a feeble attempt to communicate something...and it's all muffled...and you're sitting beside me saying, "what...WHAT?"

When Satch fell asleep in the fort that he built beside the dining room table...I paced back and forth on the wood floor trying to burn the image into my memory...the way his little hand was tucked under his cheek. So precious! I grabbed his camera and slid it beneath the flap and clicked, but it was unable to focus in the dark, as blurry as a dream.

How we laughed when, while getting ready to go to the pool, he decided to draw all over his belly with a red marker! I reached for his camera again.

If you've been reading my diary long enough you probably know that I'm a very visual person...that I'm not a wordsmith. Yet somehow, with a mouthful of words and a picture, I can revisit the moments and take you there with me. And I like sharing that with you and hearing from you and knowing that you're riding this rock with me. I really do.

But, until I get my camera back, I will not be blogging. August's mom to mom interview will post as planned...and you're going to love her.

I will be back as soon as I can (and I hope with good news about my cat too).

*About Most Alive Monday: I've decided to make at least one "most alive choice" each day and post my favorite each Monday. This, of course, is to motivate me to consciously "live juicy"! I hope you'll join me and share your "most alive moment" in the comments section so we may inspire each other.

You may also post photos of your "most alive moments" in my most alive flickr pool! (If you post a photo in pool, be sure
to include your link in the comment)

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posted by Wendy at 5:55 AM


Anonymous vickie said...

oh wow wendy, i hope this week gets better SOON. i can see what you're saying about your camera, and feeling all wonky without it. i LOVE the photo of Satch sleeping, awesome, all foggy and dreamlike, sweet.

hope Elvis is ok soon.

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Green Mamma said...

I love your idea for a most alive monday; I too am practicing mindfulness and gratitude throughout my week and am focusing on a word of the week, an idea inspired by Mimi Doe's 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting. By the way, I hope your camera returns to you soon! I also love to capture my favorite moments on film. Can you recommend a good SLR to me? I am an amateur but I am hooked on taking pictures and would like to grow as a photographer. In the meantime, you are in my thoughts.

12:54 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

thanks vickie

To Green Mama:
Thanks for the good wishes. Will check out mimi doe's site. As for the cam...some people really dig the canon digital rebel, but I've read really good things about nikon's d40 which is supposed to be more intuitive. my uncle who is a professional bought one of the more expensive nikon slrs and hates it - he said he wished he had bought the d40. i really liked my nikon 5000 because the lcd screen flipped so i could get into odd places with it and still be able to frame the shot. it had a terrific macro feature too. the only negative was the shutter lag which i understand the d40 doesn't have. the d40 is supposed to be fast.

2:08 PM  
Blogger denise said...

Oh no. Poor kitty. HOpe things improve. Sending good happy spunky well kitty vibes your way.

I don't know what I would do without a camera. I am not able to do the type of art I spent decades of my life working on - and as you said, the photography fills in the gaps of how visual people see things and present them outwards. I would be twitchy ...

Still, lovely ghostly photos!

10:16 PM  
Blogger Love Squalor said...

oh dear. i think i would feel totally lost without my camera so i really feel for you. here's to a speedy camera recovery.

i hope better days find you soon.

big hugs!


3:42 PM  
Blogger jenica said...

we'll be missing you and your camera! although i really do love the images you captured with satch's camera. there's the sign of a true photographer, you're able to capture beauty with whatever you have on hand. ;-D


3:11 AM  

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