i will wade out

i will wade out til my thighs are steeped in burning flowers i will take the sun in my mouth and leap into the ripe air Alive with eyes closed - ee cummings

I decided to keep a journal of my IVF in order to remain objective, yet experience it more fully. IVF was my plan (B) approach to getting pregnant, but as I learned that my new insurance plan (under my husband) did not cover the procedure, plan (B) became plan (A). I read that most IVF clinics will not use the patient's own eggs after the age of 42. I will be 41 in October and I feel time rapidly catching up to my ovaries. I do not regret having waited this long to get pregnant because it was very important to me to meet the right life partner to have a child with. I have always felt that I would rather be single and childless than have a child and a relationship with someone who is not right for me. If I had not waited until I met Robert, I would never have known the happiness I know now. The decision to go forward with IVF will require living apart from Robert for approximately 2 months until the cycle is completed as I must continue working at the center to keep my insurance. Robert must start his new job (in July) in Syracuse (5 hrs away). He will come home on the weekends. So I will be administering my own injections.

July 4, 2004

Robert and I had a battery of blood tests. I had to take my own blood this weekend because the doctor's office was closed and I didn't want to miss the cycle because I didn't have a "day 2" hormone level. I will be getting my blood tested twice a week to start, then more frequently as we go along.