October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

This month is National Domestic Violence Awareness month. Most people think of domestic violence as physical abuse. But there is another form of violence against women that is equally harmful, yet invisible. Financial abuse is a form of domestic violence. Financial abuse is controlling, demoralizing and chips away at a woman's self esteem. Financial abuse causes fear, and anxiety, depression, and emotional trauma.

 A few examples of financial abuse are:

• Not including you in financial decisions. 
• Not telling you about bonuses or financial gain. 
• Not providing a joint bank account. 
• Not giving you access to finances, ie. not putting you on his bank account, making you have to ask for money. 
• Taking money that belongs to you without your permission. 

Most victims of financial abuse suffer in silence, learn the warning signs and offer support. If she reaches out to you, here's how to talk to someone who is being financially abused:

• Let her know this is a judgment-free conversation and she is not alone. 
• Offer your support. 
• Listen 
• "I know this is difficult to discuss, but please know you can talk to me about anything." 
• "You are not alone. I care about you, and I'm here for you, no matter what." 
• "You are not responsible for what's going on." 
• "No matter what you did, you do not deserve this." 
• Do not hijack the conversation to talk yourself. 
• If you've experienced abuse in a past relationship now is not the time to compare and contrast your experience with hers, ie. "my ex took my entire savings" or "my pushed me off the steps". This isn't about who had it worse, it's about supporting a victim who reached out to you. 

For more information about Financial Abuse, where to seek help or to help some one you know, click on the photo above. You are not alone

55

Dear 55 year old me,

Happy re-birthday. You've been through a lot of crap in your lifetime, but you have always made it to the other side intact, and stronger for it. Not to bypass the suffering in any way, you didn't deserve any of that. You won't hear me say "there's a reason for everything" or it's part of God's plan". I know that you won't bow to any God who harms. Maybe we should rethink the adage "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" because scar tissue is dead tissue and that's the reality even though the divine body has ways of compensating for injury. Bless the scars! Bless not the scar-makers, for they can go suck it! 

I admire your way of looking at the big picture and trying to find the right path forward, without insulting your soul in the process. I admire your humanness, your raw honesty, and your strong boundaries, your creativity, your determination and your kindness.  You navigate challenges by feeling all the feels in that moment so you can step over them and keep moving, rather than swallowing and silencing and carrying their weight. You have keen intuition, because you have learned the language of your body, the voice without words and you allow this to guide you. 

You have learned that there are tricksters, some quite obvious, and others who somehow evade your radar. It's not because you invite them - no - or because you are naive - no - it's because masks make it difficult to read faces. But masks do slip eventually, and then you see clearly the shadow behind it. Remember this, in those rare and shocking encounters, these shadow beings have never been able to steal your muchness, your passion, your creativity, your sense of wonder, your truth, your love of nature, and your pursuit of beauty. At most, these shadow beings have left behind a wall of scar tissue on the area of trust. But don't forget there are nanotubes, between scar tissue and healthy heart cells, which electrically unite. The scar wall will protect you, and the nanotubes will connect you to truth.

Use your tools skillfully, calling into circle the trustworthy souls that care about you and the safety and the truth telling and the insight. When in doubt consult. You are wiser than you know, it's just that you are unable to see where this odd, unfamiliar and unconventional path is taking you. It's not a clear or easy path. There has been, there is, and there will still be obstacles. You will navigate them, as you have always done. Assess the terrain. Look for the markers. Trust the knowing.

Don't lose yourself on this journey...you, the maker of all manner of things, you are the mama bear that gathers and shares, you of the mountains and the Manahatta, you healer of foxes and sniffer of flowers, you holder of stunned birds, you advocate of spiders and speaker for trees. 

Go ahead - Open your mouth and let the bees fly out, most bees are female, they only sting when threatened. Remember to eat the cake and howl at the moon with your pack who loves you. On this, your 55th ride around the sun, may you hug all the years you've lived and love all the hers who've come before and especially the her riding this twirling chunk of space rock right now. She deserves it.  

To thine own self be true,
W

Rough draft: "I Open My Mouth and Let the Bees Fly Out" W.Cook ©2018