Oh, You Know the Adage

“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers

I saw an opportunity to take a 5 minute shower while my son ate GF toast slathered with sweet almond butter.  I asked him to finish eating then brush his teeth so that I could drive him to his beloved nature camp.  I inhaled deeply and nearly lost myself in those 300 seconds. 

He saw an opportunity to take a 5 minute shower of his own.  He poured his milk into a saucer and exhaled deeply blowing bubbles with a straw.  He nearly lost himself in those 300 seconds.

Toweling off quickly, I jumped into my drawstring pants and tee-shirt then padded downstairs stopping abruptly at the bottom step.  All I could see in that moment was a small white pond that trickled downward to the chair before pooling on the floor below, soaking both the place mat and seat cushion. 

My heart sank in a puddle of milk.

Then I came up for air.

"After camp you can wash the place mat and the seat cushion", I said wondering if the span of a wash cycle and dry cycle before playing with friends would make any sense.

He started to cry - "I'm sorry...I forgot...but I like making bubbles" - in rapid fire then launched his new improved artillery right through my heart...

"I feel like I shouldn't even be here", he shouted.

I can't describe the shock and the pain his words inflicted.  I can't say how I managed to stay afloat in that moment.  Maybe it was the milky ensō.  Maybe I channeled my inner Maezen.

"You should be here", I said, "and it makes me sad when you say that...I love you and I am also angry because I asked you to finish eating and brush your teeth so I can take you to camp.  I get that you like making bubbles and that's fine, but making them in a shallow saucer was not a great choice because, as you can see, there's milk everywhere.  I'll clean up the milk, but when you get home you are going to wash the place mat and seat cushion".

"How long does it take", he asked.

"You will see for yourself", I said, "it's time to go to nature camp".

Accept All Happiness

The heart surrenders everything to the moment.
The mind judges and holds back. - Ram Dass

There was the trip to the farm, the heat of the day, the thrill of the climb and the sprinkle of rain...






































 There was the huge dragonfly that fell from the sky...

and carried home by my boy.  There was the memory of watching them dart above the treetops below the window of my NYC flat.

There was the hope it would recover and fly away...

followed by the realization that it would not.

Its wings bowed in surrender.  Its legs curled inward like a prayer.  The sky in its eyes and the grass in its veins returned to its source.  Its form as dark as the night before it fell.

The Dragonfly
by Louise Bogan

You are made of almost nothing
But of enough
To be great eyes
And diaphanous double vans;
To be ceaseless movement,
Unending hunger,
Grappling love.

Link between water and air,
Earth repels you.
Light touches you only to shift into iridescence
Upon your body and wings.

Twice-born, predator,
You split into the heat.
Swift beyond calculation or capture
You dart into the shadow
Which consumes you.

You rocket into the day.
But at last, when the wind flattens the grasses,
For you, the design and purpose stop.

And you fall
With the other husks of summer.

Given

"This is the earnest work. Each of us is given
only so many mornings to do it -
to look around and love
the oily fur of our lives,
the hoof and the grass-stained muzzle." - Mary Oliver

On the day the doe came to our front yard to eat the fallen bird seed,

we took a walk to nearby pond...

where he found a fallen Admiral with tattered wings.

He named it Scott.

It climbed upon his finger and he carried it home to live out it's days sipping nectar in a protected habitat.

*Postscript:  After some nectar and a good rest, Admiral Scott flew away the next morning, tattered wings notwithstanding.

Natural Consequences

"You never can tell with bees." - A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)

"After you get stung, you can't get unstung
no matter how much you whine about it.” ― Sue Monk Kidd (The Secret Life of Bees)

I kept telling him not to touch bees. 
He said, "You're full of boloney", and stormed off.
I said, "Okay, I'll go inside and wait for the scream".

The facts:
- Only female bumblebees have stingers.

 - Bumblebee stingers are not barbed like the honeybee so it can sting more than once.

- Bumblebees only sting if they feel threatened.

* Kids with ADHD and some manifestations of SPD have difficulty controlling their impulses.   They learn best by natural consequences (as long as it's not dangerous) 

The fix:
- a drop of therapeutic grade lavender oil.
or
- mix baking soda with vinegar into a paste and apply
- plantain spit poultice
- Stingeez
- Caladryl

Bettering the Sky

"You must ask for what you really want. 
Don't go back to sleep." - Rumi

It was a steamy Saturday of hijinks and rainbow afros that cooled slightly as the sun dipped.  It was Boys Night - I nearly forgot - the night when this co-sleeping mama gets one to herself.  I quietly slid my feet into my flip flops and slipped out the door.

She handed me bits of chocolate and showed me the fabric that she bought in Hawaii. She's planning on making curtains for the VW van that her husband bought at an auction. They're taking a trip cross country, like they did in the 60's when they protested in Berkley and got tear gassed.

"OH...look, I ordered the peace sign flower magnets", she said and we laughed.

"I want to photograph you before you leave", I said.

"Have you seen the firefly walk", she asked.

I pointed to the trail.

"No no that's not it...I have to show you".

She grabbed her car keys and off we went. We made our way quietly into the darkness barely able to see where we were going.

"I guess we should have brought flash lights", she said.

The path twisted to the left.

"THERE", she said, "they are attracted to this place...you'll have to bring Satch tomorrow night".

My jaw dropped.  I've never seen anything like it. 

"Who needs sleep", she said.

Pursuit of Happiness 2012: July 4th

We hold these truths sacred and undeniable...

inflatable pools...

costumes...

and deep connections 'round the dining table, beloved friends sharing yummy dishes, plans of pilgrimages, soda geysers, glow rings and fireworks!

The Near and the True

"Stay near to me, stay true to me. I'll stay 
As near, as true to you as heart could pray. 
Heart never hoped that one might be
Half of the things you are to me — 
The dawn, the fire, the rainbow and the day" -  James Fenton


While S and The Great Robinsky played the license plate game and...

other musings...

I caught up on my own carschooling and listened to some talks of Ram Dass.  I always wished that I could have heard him speak in the 60's, although I would have been a wee girl back then.  Little did I know that some of these talks had been recorded...so as we traveled toward our family adventure, I traveled back in time.  I had many aha moments along the way and mended some loose threads.  My seemingly impossible wish had been fulfilled.  How lucky is that?!?!

There's this old adage ,"What you see is what you get", and I can't stop thinking about that...about seeing.

If you were to roll into Cherokee, N.C. seeing only a commercial tourist attraction...well that's what you're gonna get. You'll get worn out motels, a plethora of souvenir shops and a drummer in every parking lot.

BUT

if you were to roll into that town seeing more...well THAT'S what you're gonna get. 

You might unplug the clock when you arrive in your motel room.  You might go to the river during the heat of the day.  Your boy will try is hardest to catch trout and as you watch him your mind will flood with memories of your grandfather.

You might pick up a few smooth river rocks to take home with you.  If you're lucky, you'll find a gem at your feet.

If you're lucky you will attend the opening night of the pow wow and rise to your feet when the Eagle Staff is carried in by the elders.  Hearing the ancient language will move you deeply... all that drumming and chanting and dancing will bring tears to your eyes.  Your son might wish to dance too and you'll remind him that we need to be invited.  If you're lucky, you'll lie down in the grass on your belly and take a photograph and record an audio sample.

After breakfast the next morning, you might wander into that tourist shop on the strip and if you take your time, if you look deeper, you might just find a small obscure shelf filled with handmade medicine and smudge sticks.

You might try on some beads when a Cherokee man walks up to you with a special necklace that was not on display.  If you're lucky he might hand it to you saying, "this one" and your husband will buy it for you without question.  "I made it myself", the Cherokee man says, and you'll thank him.

You might hear the soft voice of a talented Cherokee storyteller, and if you're lucky, he might speak to you in his native language, telling you that he is deer clan and somehow this will make sense to you.

You might wander off and find a Cherokee woman alone.  You'll tell her of your interest in traditional medicine.   "I can't teach you medicine", she'll say, "I can show you".  You'll point to the plant near the pond and ask, "Nettles"?  She'll nod and point to the one beside it.  "Jewel Weed", you'll say.  She'll smile softly saying, "Every plant has a purpose".   If you're lucky, she'll share some of her wisdom. 

If you're lucky you'll see the Quail Dance and if you watch carefully you might see a young man shape shift.  You might wonder how a human could possibly move like that...like a bird in every way.  You might even think you were dreaming, but if you scan the audience you'll notice that a few others had seen it too.  If you're lucky, you'll remember the sacred question that you learned in Advanced Bird Language teachings.

You might find yourself in need of a vegetarian restaurant so you'll drive into Asheville for the day and explore the city your late father insisted you should live.  If you're lucky, you'll feast on tofu sloppy joes at Laughing Seed...

and after the long wait you discover that you have just enough time to make a bit of funnery for a mighty girl whom you've never met.

If you're lucky, you'll find that co-housing community where you wish to build your nest.  You'll stop to take a photo on the land and your little boy will say, "I want to live here".

You might wish to see a cherished friend who lives in the area and if you're lucky you'll discover that she lives 10 minutes from your motel.  You might wish to bring your friend some treats from Green Life.  If you're lucky you'll find juicy organic cherries and grapes, soft smoky cheeses, crisp GF crackers, smooth blood orange chocolate and refreshing raspberry lemonade.  You'll make your way along the twisty roads to her mountain house, backtracking several times as you lose your phone connection and try to reunite her voice with your ear.  If you're lucky she'll make you pesto pizza and take your boy to pick blackberries for dessert.  You will watch hummingbirds while they're out wandering in the twilight.

You might find yourself wishing to hear more stories on your last day in town.  If you're lucky, you'll discover that there is a bonfire scheduled on your last night even though they normally don't have them on Sunday.  You will hear the Bear Song and listen to native flute under the stars.  If your lucky, you'll be invited to dance on your last night.  You'll join hands and dance around the fire and fall into your motel bed with your hair smelling like smoke.

If your lucky you will see
the dawn,
the fire,
the rainbow
and the day.
 
If you're lucky, what you see (k) is what you'll get.

On the way home, I re-listened to naturalist Jon Young's lessons about bird language - a teaching series and practice I had started some time ago.  He offers this tool (given to him by tracker Tom Brown Jr.) to trigger keen awareness and deep connection.  He calls it, The Sacred Question which is really three questions.  I offer it now to you...

- What did you observe?
- What is it telling you?
- What is it teaching you?