Thursday, July 23, 2009

Mighty Presence

"The feminine is the energy that holds presence, the deeper and slower aspect of ourselves. The feminine looks for relatedness, asking: Where are we alike? How can we connect? Can you see me? What an awesome responsibility. How are we changing the people around us by how we respond to them, or don't?" - Marion Woodman

Monday kicks off the launch of Mighty Girl Art empowerment camp. For the next five mornings I will be holding presence for a handful of radiant girls. I'm nervous, excited and very emotional right now. I will be posting from the Mighty Girl Campsite next week. I will not be writing in this diary, until Monday August 17th because right after the Mighty Tipi comes down, we're heading to the mid-west for a wedding celebration.

Please visit Mighty Girl Art for a bit of joy all next week. I'll be back here soon, sharing my adventures with my beloved mighty boy....

Let the beauty we love be what we do
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground
- Rumi

Labels:

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:18 AM 12 comments

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Toad Hall

“O poop-poop! O my! O my!”- Kenneth Grahame (Wind in the Willows)

Satch has been enjoying the vintage audio recording of Mr. Toad from Wind in the Willows. Anything with the word poop-poop is wildly funny to Satch. With a combo of architectural blocks and tree blocks, he constructed Toad Hall in our living room and filled it with various creatures. It appears that Mr. Toad is dining alone, while his friends seem to be snoozing.


In other news...we've been featured on the National Wildlife Federation's Green Hour!

Labels:

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:30 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Touch

" Touch me, remind me who I am" - S. Kunitz

Many moons ago, I raised one of these plants from seed on the window sill of my Sullivan St flat in NYC. I forgot all about this curious flora until I spotted one in the children's garden at the National Botanic. I went on the qui vive for seeds and grew a plant for Satch and his pal R. The "Sensitive Plant" is an obvious relation of the Mimosa we're all familiar with only this plant is sensitive to touch.

Satch, who lost his pirate headband, explains a little about his plant through his unruly hair...


Check out this clip that I found on youtube...


Have a good weekend. See you Monday.

Labels: ,

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:34 AM 4 comments

Monday, July 20, 2009

Most Alive Monday: Stay Awhile

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, "Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches. - Mary Oliver


A weekend visit from family; climbing trees near the Washington Monument; Soccer on the National Mall; vegetarian tapas for lunch...







*About Most Alive Monday: I've decided to make at least one "most alive choice" each day and post my favorite each Monday. This, of course, is to motivate me to consciously "live juicy"! I hope you'll join me and share your "most alive moment" in the comments section so we may inspire each other.

Labels: ,

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 6:46 AM 0 comments

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Summer Magic

The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is
in everything where power moves. Our teepees were round like the
nests of birds, and these were always set in a circle, the nation's hoop, a nest of many nests, where the Great Spirit meant for us to hatch our children.
- Black Elk, Holy Man of the Oglala Sioux 1863-1950






















There are some things that are just undeniably summer... watermelon, picnics, bare feet, popsicles, bubbles, fireflies, hammocks, kites, ocean beaches, mud pies, swimming pools, sprinklers, campfires and of course, TENTS! One of my favorite childhood memories was the summer fort. Oh, there were pup tents, blanket forts, and a tree house or two...outside, inside, campgrounds, and even the back yard. Those mini adventures in those cozy nests were so special, powerful, magical... and I want my son to have that experience too while the window of wonder is wide open.






















Last year, you may recall, I grew a living tipi in our front yard and it was a big hit amongst the neighborhood wee folk. However, it rapidly became a big hit for the gnats and mosquitoes too and we could no longer play in it, 'else risk being eaten alive. Early this season, Satch asked if I was going to make another tipi and I felt a pang in my heart that sent me on a quest for the perfect summer hideaway.






















My search led me to Magic Cabin, a toy company created by stay at home, Sara McDonald. There I found this magical tipi. Once assembled, the tipi takes mere seconds to set up. It is very portable and can be used both indoors and outdoors. The tipi is made of high quality canvas, which can be painted in traditional design. Satch is going to put his hand print inside with fabric paint and one day, his own child will do the same...and perhaps even his grandchildren.






















*To celebrate the magic of summer and the spirit of childhood, the generous folks at Magic Cabin are offering 15% off any purchase of $100 or more to Mother Rising Readers. Enter code SUMMER at checkout. The offer will be good through 7/31/09! So, fly over and get your little hatchlings a nest of their own. Have a memorable weekend. See you Monday.


Labels: ,

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 6:08 AM 4 comments

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

To Be One

If you want to be one with the water
Dance with the river, sing to the sea - Billy Jonas

Summertime and sprinklers...watering the garden and the wee boy.














Pure joy...and perhaps some pumpkins for our efforts.


Labels:

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:51 AM 1 comments

Monday, July 13, 2009

Most Alive Monday: Happy Accidents

When you get home tonight, see what you can find
Open up the cabinets, open up your mind
Pull out the pots and pans, pull out the tin cans
Pull out your big blue garbage can, you can start your own band! - Billy Jonas

I'm still floating from the amazing weekend! For starters, we went to the Billy Jonas concert with a group of friends. I've written about Billy before here and here (and have quoted him numerous times on this blog). Billy creates music that families can enjoy together... music with intelligent lyrics and beats that make you want to bang and sang! He takes a moment to explain how he made his instruments then invites the children to the stage to play in the band for one song. At every concert Billy pulls a name from his drum and the winner picks whatever he/she wants from the merch table. (drum roll) Satchel won! And chose a copy of Billy's new album, "Happy Accidents". Yes, we are the luckiest peeps on earth.

After the show we all walked over to Noodles & Co., pushed a bunch of tables together and ate lunch. What can get better than some righteous grooves and a big ole bowl of noodles?

Satch was so inspired by the show that later that eve, he constructed his own musical making shoes like billy's. Sorry about the poor quality of the vid, but the brightness controls are missing from my new version of QT pro and ofcourse there is no support that I can find.



But the incing on the cake of my weekend was when I received a phone call from my friend Fawn back in NYC (whom I haven't seen in approx. 3 yrs) and she said, "I'm an hour away...would you like some company?" And it was so darn good to see her again. Did I happen to mention that I love surprise visits?!?!

*About Most Alive Monday: I've decided to make at least one "most alive choice" each day and post my favorite each Monday. This, of course, is to motivate me to consciously "live juicy"! I hope you'll join me and share your "most alive moment" in the comments section so we may inspire each other.

Labels: , ,

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:24 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Mom to Mom: Patty Wipfler

It's July...and it's my pleasure to introduce, Patty Wipfler.

Mom
: Patty Wipfler
Of: Jacob (38), David (36)
Grandmother of: Lucas (7), Rory (5), and Allison (5)
Site: Hand in Hand

1. In what ways has becoming a mother changed you?


Becoming a mother has revolutionized my life, and has taught me a lot about myself and other people. I always wanted to be a mother. I had always thought I would be a really good mother, because I helped to raise my younger brothers and sister, loved playing with them and caring for them. My own parents were either ill or highly stressed for several years of my childhood, and playing with my siblings was the best part of every day for me. So I was absolutely shocked when, under stress myself, I began to do harsh things to my sons. I was having the experience I think most of us have: I was passionately and powerfully in love with my children, and at the same time, found out that the stresses of parenting were badly warping my behavior. I couldn't just wish that away. It kept coming back to haunt me, and to hurt them.

My search for what to do with myself, so that I could be the Mom I had hoped to be, led me to people who were listening to one another as a path to leading life more intelligently. It worked! When I made the time to listen to another parent, and then be listened to, it made an immediate and profound change in the stress level in our family. So naturally, I wanted to figure out how to apply the idea of listening, and allowing the other person to get to the feelings behind their stressed behavior, to my children. A small group of other parents doing listening with one another then banded together to try to figure out how to parent using the insights that had worked so well for us. With them, I got to help develop a whole new and interesting approach to parenting. So those moments when I was stunned at the awfulness of my behavior led to my good fortune in learning support practices and listening practices that I have found infinitely interesting, rewarding, and encouraging. And they work so well with children!

2. What message would you like to share with mothers?

We are mothering in a system that has little regard for the complex, detailed, and challenging work of nurturing children. It's not our fault that parenting feels so difficult, or that we fall short of our own expectations every single day. The system is set up with less than 10% of the support, very little of the information, and none of the economic stability it takes to provide a safe nurturing environment in which a family can thrive. We find ourselves short of patience, short of good ideas, short of energy because the work of nurturing children takes far more attention and relaxed intelligence than anyone has estimated or made provision for. Our children are OK. We're OK. But the setup parents are in is not OK.

Given that this isolating and unsupportive environment is what we're working with, we need to consciously build sturdy support systems for ourselves. It's important to honor the work we do with the time we need to talk about it. We need to talk about our thoughts, experiments, feelings, and challenges, to someone who won't judge us or advise us, but who will listen to us and let us figure our own best way forward. We can exchange that kind of time, for free, with one another.

It used to be that many people lost all their teeth by the age of 50, because nothing was known of dental hygiene. Now, losing all your teeth is rare in our country. I want to build a world where we say, "We used to just send parents home with a baby in their arms, and forget them. Now good support and information for parents is right around the corner. Now parents know that doing Listening Partnerships once or twice a week helps them understand their children, they can go to the parent support group down the street. Now they can enjoy their children, and grow in the work of parenting, rather than come up exhausted just as their child reaches adolescence!"

3. What inspired you to create hand in hand?

The listening I was doing with my own children, other people's children, and in parenting workshops was transforming children's lives. Parents were feeling, "My heavens! This is so simple, how come no one understands how to really listen to a child? It makes a whole world of difference, not just for my children, but for me!" I wanted to try to help get Parenting by Connection ideas and practices out there, so we all could have a more fulfilling time of it as parents, and so our children could grow up without unnecessary emotional dents and dings. In the back of my mind, I often remember how much my parents loved all six of us, and how difficult their lives were, because there was no support. My mom was a pioneer in winning the right to support and services for developmentally delayed children and their parents. I just thought it made sense to see how far I could get in this project of building emotional understanding among parents.

4. What is the most common question that parents ask you?

That's a good question! I think it's some form, at all ages, of the question, "My child is a wonderful child one minute, and the next minute, he or she is impossible to deal with! There's attitude! There's crying! There's a tantrum! Over nothing! What have I done wrong? What is wrong with my child?"

5. What are some practical things that parents can do to make the most profound impact in the lives of their children?

To begin with, we teach two "Listening Tools." One is Special Time. It's a date you make with your child, perhaps ten to twenty minutes each day, or a half hour on the weekend, where you say, "I'll play whatever you want! What do you want to do?" and then you shine your interest and approval on your child, whatever their choice may be. You call it Special Time or Mommy-and-Me-Time or One-on-One time. You call it something, so they can ask for it when they feel they need it. And you time it, so it has a definite start, and a definite but warm and affectionate ending, so you don't feel trapped in it. You let your child lead. You don't teach, advise, or criticize. You don't multitask. You don't answer the phone. You don't fix anything. You just enjoy them, and see what they want to do. This is wonderful for children! They get to try things, invent games, challenge you to do things you don't really like to do. It builds trust. It lets them show you what issues they have, through play.

We pair this tool with one that is not so permissive. We call it Staylistening. When your child bursts into tears or a tantrum, or when they do something you can't allow, you move close, make gentle physical contact, stop the behavior that doesn't make sense, make eye contact, and say very little. You keep your child safe while they unload the emotional tension they have stored up over the past days and years. You stay, listen, offer warmth, tell them that you care, but you don't solve the problem. Not right then. You don't fix the toast that you cut into rectangles, just because they are crying for triangles. You say, "Yes, I guess I did rectangles this time." And you let them grieve, or rage, or tantrum about the rectangles. You give them you. You don't distract them with triangular toast. You don't lecture them about how hard you worked to make this rectangular toast, and how it will taste the same as toast in triangles, because the issue is emotional. The toast is just the trigger. Listening, giving caring, but not solving anything allows a child to release all that pent up disappointment that pops out into the open many times a day--when they whine, when they come in second, not first, when they have to wait while you finish a phone call, when the cat doesn't want to be held. They can cry it all out, in the warmth of your arms.

And when they feel better, which they inevitably do (but it takes awhile!), their behavior shows that they feel much closer to you, more relaxed. After a few days of good cries often, they become happier children for longer and longer stretches of time. They still need to cry, but if you move close to attend to them while they have their upset, they get the connection their minds crave, and things begin to go better all around.

It's an enlightening experience, the first time you do this. It's scary while you're listening, because your child doesn't seem to have the ability to stop or to reason or to feel that you're there. It looks like he'll never collect himself. And it's amazing when a big cry is over, because your child perks up and is different. For instance, I was listening to one little boy the other day, who cried for an hour and a half about wanting his mommy, who was holding his hand the whole time, and wanting to go home. I was listening, too. When he was done, he turned to me and said, "This is my home!" The world was now a safer place for him!

Knowing that your presence and support is all a child needs to overcome a difficult moment or a traumatic experience is thrilling. You actually can make life easier and better for your children, using these tools. There are additional Listening Tools, but these two tools by themselves help children feel secure, connected, and, when they've worked through their issues, content.


6. What moves you, grounds you, fills your well?

I do regular Listening Partnerships with people in Hand in Hand, and with people who have been my Listening Partners for 35 years. There's always some new thing that needs to be done that scares me, that I don't really think that I can do. My listening partners help me tackle my fears, and I love knowing them well, backing them fully in turn, holding out confidence for them. People are amazing, when you really get to know them. And I love to play, in my family and at Hand in Hand. I love to roughhouse. I love to give Special Time. I love to give children permission to romp and bowl the grownups over and play tricks on us over and over. I love to laugh and see their delight. My hobbies are pillow fighting and, currently, playing "No Huggie, No Kissie," with my grandchildren, where I run after them trying to offer affection, and they rescue each other when, somehow, I manage to get close to planting a kiss. It's such good fun! They are very clever, but so am I!

Labels:

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:46 AM 3 comments

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

The Duplex

Little bird, little bird,
fly through my window
Find molasses candy - Pete Seeger

Our window feeder disappeared last winter. We received a terracotta feeder from a Freecycler, but it fell and smashed into a million pieces shortly after I hung it up. Then Robert bought a tubular plastic feeder, but the birds wouldn't use it. Eventually, the squirrels dragged the whole dang thing away. We found it weeks later in the woods, completely mangled.

A few days ago, Satch and I constructed a bi-level bird feeder out of milk cartons. Actually, I did the constructing and Satch did the filling. It's not very attractive, but the birds LOVED it!

Labels:

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:04 AM 1 comments

Monday, July 06, 2009

Most Alive Monday: Sacred & Undeniable

The Pursuit of Happiness Picnic Manifesto

We hold these truths...
Families, friendships, fireflies, bubbles, bare feet, back-flips, sunshine, swing set, salsa fresca, tortillas, twelve foot tall tipi, ten joyful children, wildflowers, watermelon, warm breezes, pasta salads, picnic blankets, pooch named Olive, cupcakes, cobblers, corn on the cob, glow rings, garden burgers, grassy hillside, lemonade, laughter, lakeside fireworks...



















*About Most Alive Monday: I've decided to make at least one "most alive choice" each day and post my favorite each Monday. This, of course, is to motivate me to consciously "live juicy"! I hope you'll join me and share your "most alive moment" in the comments section so we may inspire each other.

Labels: , ,

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:05 AM 2 comments

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Summer Wonders











Summer Wonders by Bob Raczka is a lovely, LOVELY book! The paintings by Judy Stead are so beautiful, you'll want to frame the pages. The story celebrates the joys of summer with just a handful of words. It's perfect for the seasonal book basket!

We've invited a bunch of friends over to our favorite hill for a 4th of July Pot Luck Picnic.

Have a good weekend. See you Monday.


Labels: , ,

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:25 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

I would like to thank the Academy...



(The words, "don't swing so high" barely left my mouth when the hammock frame came apart and fell upon him. He thought it was funny so I took a photo)

I don't want to use this space to rant, but this is my diary and today, rant I must. I would like to rant about the use of questionable language in G rated movies and the affect it has on my son. Satch has had a thing for language since he was a wee babe, and now at 4 yrs old, he asks for the meaning of unfamiliar words and memorizes entire lines from books and movies. And there are some words that he has never heard spoken in our home...words that I now regret him having heard on film...words that I resent now being a part of his vocabulary. That said, I would like to thank "the Academy" for the following:

STUPID: "That stupid blockhead of a brother of mine." - Lucy Van Pelt (It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown) This was one of my favorite films. I do remember the use of "blockhead", but I didn't remember the word stupid being used at least FOUR times in the script. Thank you, Charles.

STOOGE: "You're Mufasa's little stooge" - Shenzi (Lion King) I saw this with my friend A and her two children when it first debuted in 1994. I remembered that it was a wonderful film. I didn't remember the word "stooge" being used - it was 15 years ago. Thank you, Disney.

SUICIDE: "How about a suicide pact? " - Barry ( Bee Movie ) My son picked out this rental at Blockbuster. I cringed when I heard the line and then cringed again when my son asked me what the word meant. I helped him reason out what was meant by the word in relation to the film, so he thinks it means that the bees could get hurt. I would not tell him what it meant. I don't think a 4 year old needs to know that. Thank you, Jerry Seinfeld.

SUICIDE (AGAIN): "Why didn't I think of that? Oh, because it's suicide" - Queen ( A Bug's Life) Thank you, Pixar & Disney.

MORON: "The Moron Festival?" - Bessy (Back at the Barynard) Admittedly, this slipped under my radar at 10am one Saturday morning...I'm not sure how...I think I was clearing the breakfast dishes...or perhaps it was just one of those days. Thank you, Nickelodeon.

*The kicker is that we're not big tv people and Satch started watching videos during "Quiet Time" aka the nap that dares not speak its name. I used to read to him during quiet time, but now he only wants to be read to at bedtime or other parts of the day.

Because I don't want to leave things on a negative note, I would like to conclude with some films that we LOVE. I would like to thank the Academy for the following:

Postscript:

A Mother Rising Reader left this fabulous link in the comment section, Kids in Mind. It's a site that gives parents the skinny on kid flicks.

A friend also told me about this site, Common Sense Media.

Labels: ,

Bookmark and Share
posted by Wendy at 5:11 AM 7 comments