Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You raised some very valid points, but as you have chosen to hide your identity, I can not respond by personal email as I try to do with all who have taken the time to comment. I will respond to them here:

"And if you were a career woman, and someone said to you about the late hours you keep at work - "You don't have kids... you just have a job" - would you be similarly offended?"

I am not an expert on linguistics (or grammar as you may have noticed), but I believe the word "just" becomes derogatory when it is used to minimize a person in the form of comparison, i.e. "You're not _________, you are JUST a _______ ". Fill in any labels you like and it will read equally offensive.

I would have been equally offended if D had referred to herself as "just" anything. Motherhood is an invaluable profession. It is odd, to me at least, that because some women choose motherhood as a profession, that she would be referred to as "just a mom" in such a flippant manner. Yet, her husband who works outside the home would never be referred to as "just a bread winner". And, as I wrote in my diary, I feel the phrase, "just a mother" is offensive to all women because it is what makes us uniquely female.

"For all we know, the speaker at hand was truly speaking about the logistics of needing a car and not speaking at all about the honor of being a mom. Yet somehow, this simple statement of fact is a big deal."

What is true in your observation is that the reader has no way of knowing whether or not the speaker was referring to logistics or the misconception that a mother's day is not full (or busy). And that is because the speaker never took the time to ask about the logistics of life without a car, but rather continued to blaze a trail of disrespect as indicated in the latter portion of my entry. Had she been interested in logistics and asked, I might have been able to express my preference to walk and our commitment to being a one car family. I might have been able to tell her about the doe and fawns we saw on the trail when walking to the pool. I might have told her how Satch likes to stop and lick the nectar from the honeysuckle on our way to Town Center. I might have told her about the time the bus didn't stop for us after the reptile workshop and how I piggybacked Satch half way home before we caught a second bus making the loop. I might have told her that getting a new drivers license is yet another thing on my to-do list and will be addressed eventually.

"But further, you go on to be judgmental of people who choose to pursue career paths."

I do not see the truth in this statement. I have not made any remarks towards women who choose to have careers instead of children. I have not made any remarks about moms who must work outside the home. I have made an observation about my life as I perceive it. This is my diary wherein I write about things that matter to me. I am very passionate about my life and a very big part of it is being a mother as I have chosen this path. I believe I made this clear in my diary entry.

"Isn't there a career person whose paycheck provides you the luxury of being able to stay at home with your son?"

Yes there is. It was a mutual decision and my husband and I both made sacrifices to provide the kind of life we've envisioned for our son.

"And let's be honest: in this world, it is a luxury."

Honestly, being home with my son is certainly a privilege for which I am grateful, but I would not call it a luxury given the challenging nature of it. Moreover, we live rather simply. And again as stated above, we have both made sacrifices in order to provide the kind of life we've envisioned for our son.

"I sure hope he doesn't mind his work being belittled like this."

I am certain that my husband does not feel belittled. He has a very strong sense of self and good ethics. My husband encourages me to express my feelings. He also has a sharp sense of humor and I am certain that he sees the humor as well as the hint of truth in my "corporate butt wiping" analogy.

"I wish SAHMs didn't feel the need to get all knee-jerk about any comment regarding their lack of jobs/careers outside of the home."

I wish that people would stop making degrading comments about women. When one strikes the feminine spirit with an insult to her being, one risks receiving an involuntary kick. To be unmoved by an offense does not serve anyone. It does not open a window for understanding. Lack of communication leads to misunderstanding. I believe I have made my intentions as well as my boundaries perfectly clear.

"This reaction honestly tells me more about you, and your need to justify your life choices...At least for this reader, it makes me respect you less, not more."

My diary is not intended to be a justification of my life choices, but rather my perception of my life. Nor is this response to you a justification of my life choices, it is an acknowledgment of your presence in the form of a reply. I come to this page to write about our days so that my son will have a record of our life together. Amidst the minutia of every day life, there is great beauty. Every life is woven with luminous threads. I write about the things that matter to me and occasionally I write about things that unnerve me. I write to see more clearly. I write to remember. Thank you for taking the time to contact me with your question and comments.