Careworn

Today is horrific. My nerves are taut and I feel raw. I'm sure I'll cry before the day ends. Satchel has napped for all of 15 minutes this morning. He is irritable and clearly in need of sleep, yet refuses. I put him in his play-yard so I can peck out these words for my own sanity. A moment to breathe and feel grounded again...so I can go back to him feeling soft and loving. (He has taken rolling to a whole new level and I can not leave him alone, even for a second...he travels quickly). The clicking of the keys are drowned out by his persistent high-pitched, no sleep, protests. These sounds are hard for me to ignore...and cause a visceral response.

It is times like this that I wish I could spend one night in a hotel room and sleep for 8 hours. I have not slept more than 3 hour stretches for over 10 months...not including the pregnancy sleepwalks to the bathroom to pee. By my calculations it's been almost 2 years since I've slept through the night.

This is not a rant.
This is truth.
This is my "today".

The truth is also that I couldn't sleep without my babe, even if I wanted to. I would feel quite alone...and my breasts would wake me for every missed feeding. When my husband returns, I will ask him to take Satch for a car ride...a sure remedy for the both of us.