I'm Pregnant!!!
September 21, 2004
"somewhere i have never traveled gladly beyond any experience" - ee cummings
I'm pregnant!!!
When I went for my blood test I told the staff, "I know the odds, but I want to be the success story...pregnant on the first try with one egg. So keep your finger's crossed for us".
It happened!
My doctor's office called yesterday and said, "Congratulations!" Everyone within in earshot began clapping. It's big, BIG news because of my age, because it was my first try at IVF, and because I had one egg. My doctor told a mutual friend that he thought I was a little kooky because I remained so positive during the whole ordeal. He said, "Wendy acted as if the odds were 100% in her favor". My friend replied, "Wendy is well aware of the statistics...she's just a very optimistic person".
I can't help thinking about that childhood story, "The Little Engine that Could"...only I think of it as, "the little EMBRYO that could". I want our story to bring hope to others. When I get to Syracuse, I would like to get a part time job in a fertility center. I want to teach women how to self-administer their meds with barely any pain or bruising. I want to encourage them to remain realistic, yet optimistic. I want to share everything I learned along the way and coach them through. For me, IVF was NOT an unpleasant experience.
I wrote yesterday that "perhaps there is a lesson here" and I think I've figured it out. The process of having a baby is about giving up control and having patience. (Two things that I'm not very good at.) I realized that giving myself injections wasn't horrible for me, because I felt like I was doing something to help...I was in control of something. We give up control of our bodies and allow another human being to live and grow in it...we allow our bodies to change. We give up control to nature, not knowing if we will even get pregnant. We learn patience in the waiting... waiting to find out if we are pregnant, waiting to see if it goes to term, and waiting to meet this little person 9 months later.
I know we're not "out of woods" yet, but I so hope our little embryo continues to flourish. I want so badly to share this story of his/her beginning. I want to say, "This is a photo of you when you were a morula. I watched the doctor put you inside me, and it was so amazing and beautiful that I gasped in awe". I look forward to sharing everything I learned in my 40 years of BE-ing. I look forward to playing, making castles out of boxes, puppet shows, and toasting marshmallows in our fireplace. I look forward to seeing Robert be a daddy and taking photographs of them together. I look forward to being a family.
"somewhere i have never traveled gladly beyond any experience" - ee cummings
I'm pregnant!!!
When I went for my blood test I told the staff, "I know the odds, but I want to be the success story...pregnant on the first try with one egg. So keep your finger's crossed for us".
It happened!
My doctor's office called yesterday and said, "Congratulations!" Everyone within in earshot began clapping. It's big, BIG news because of my age, because it was my first try at IVF, and because I had one egg. My doctor told a mutual friend that he thought I was a little kooky because I remained so positive during the whole ordeal. He said, "Wendy acted as if the odds were 100% in her favor". My friend replied, "Wendy is well aware of the statistics...she's just a very optimistic person".
I can't help thinking about that childhood story, "The Little Engine that Could"...only I think of it as, "the little EMBRYO that could". I want our story to bring hope to others. When I get to Syracuse, I would like to get a part time job in a fertility center. I want to teach women how to self-administer their meds with barely any pain or bruising. I want to encourage them to remain realistic, yet optimistic. I want to share everything I learned along the way and coach them through. For me, IVF was NOT an unpleasant experience.
I wrote yesterday that "perhaps there is a lesson here" and I think I've figured it out. The process of having a baby is about giving up control and having patience. (Two things that I'm not very good at.) I realized that giving myself injections wasn't horrible for me, because I felt like I was doing something to help...I was in control of something. We give up control of our bodies and allow another human being to live and grow in it...we allow our bodies to change. We give up control to nature, not knowing if we will even get pregnant. We learn patience in the waiting... waiting to find out if we are pregnant, waiting to see if it goes to term, and waiting to meet this little person 9 months later.
I know we're not "out of woods" yet, but I so hope our little embryo continues to flourish. I want so badly to share this story of his/her beginning. I want to say, "This is a photo of you when you were a morula. I watched the doctor put you inside me, and it was so amazing and beautiful that I gasped in awe". I look forward to sharing everything I learned in my 40 years of BE-ing. I look forward to playing, making castles out of boxes, puppet shows, and toasting marshmallows in our fireplace. I look forward to seeing Robert be a daddy and taking photographs of them together. I look forward to being a family.
Labels: IVF, The Journey
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